Seriously?!

I am ever amazed with how something can come out of my mouth one way and be interpreted another.  Sometimes I wish I could record myself and play it back, listening to my inflection and tone.  In my brain I hear things a certain way but it seems I am often not able to communicate my point.

I blame it on being the baby of the family (BTW, I blame most things on this beautiful familial position).  As the baby, one has to shout to be heard, must assert thoughts and feelings into a full home with the smallest voice.  As a kiddo, I not only shared my house with my brothers and sister, I also shared it with about 15 other kids on average ~ my mom ran an in-home daycare.  From 5 am to 7 pm, the house was always filled with babies, toddlers and school age kids shouting, screaming and playing.  If I wanted my mom's attention (which was ALWAYS), I had to be bossy, sassy, loud and overall a pain in the ass.  Yep, sounds like a few "babies of the family" I know now!  So if you have multiple kids and find that the baby of the family is a bit tedious and exhaustive - cut them some slack.  They just want to be heard, be special and have their own representative voice in the house.  I'm sure you already know they are always right, so just acknowledge them and move on.  They just want a little bit of extra attention!

New age, new perspective

So it dawned on me after attending a conference with the BFF last week on Women's Health that I still have a TON of work to do.  I have been reading other's blogs lately and definitely think I need to brush up on mine and reinvent it a bit.  Sure, I still love to run.  I just don't want to talk about it anymore.  I think training for two marathons in the same year have caused a bit of burn out.  So I'll put that on the back burner... it's time to focus on other stuff!

Back to the conference - we learned so many things about women that day.  We don't know how to relax.  We don't know how to maintain our weight.  We don't know how to prioritize our time.  We don't know how to take good care of our bodies.  Basically, we suck at seeing OURSELVES. 

But wait!  We aren't supposed to focus on ourselves, right?  ESPECIALLY if we are moms (and wives) - it's an unwritten rule.  SACRIFICE.  Sacrifice your body, sacrifice your dreams, sacrifice your money, sacrifice your time.  That's what we are required to do, isn't it? 

I'm saying NO MORE.  No, I'm not running away from my family and living on a beach (although that might be fun?)  But it's time to figure out how to include MYSELF in this equation.  I really started the transformation last year on my birthday, realizing it was the last year in my 30's.  I exercised more, ate better, tried to strengthen my friendships ~ still I feel a bit lost.

But as I'm quickly approaching 40, it's becoming even more clear to me.  If I don't do it now and I wait it out (as most of my friends plan to do), what will become of me by the time I'm ready?  What will I have let my body look like, what will my soul have become, what interests will I have if I don't focus on the development of me?

So as I approach the new age, I'm going to try a new perspective. I'm going to take time to blog as often as I can through my journey. Be prepared - some days may just be me being confused or frustrated.. but hey, it wouldn't be a journey without that!  So here goes, over the fire!

Almost there!

It's hard to believe that I am entering into my 12th week of training for my first 1/2 marathon!  As I look back at the beginning of this journey, there was a piece of me that thought I would never be able to finish this.  How nuts do you have to be to run 13 miles?  Who does that just for fun? 

I think one of the best things I have learned through this process is that many people run - people I know, people I spend time with, people I would have never suspected run a mile in their lives.  Runners come in all shapes, sizes and ages.  All it takes is a will - a desire to start something and then finish it.  You don't have to run a race to be a runner.  And no - "jogging" is not the same thing as RUNNING.  A Sunday fast stroll once a year does not constitute a runner.  A runner has determination.  When the weather is cold, when you don't feel your best, when your joints and muscles ache... you still run your miles.

At the beginning of this journey, a friend recommended I log my miles from my training program.  I'm SO glad I did it - my reward chart on the refrigerator was a daily reminder of both my daily goals as well as the big picture.  To date, I have run 135.5 miles.  I will accomplish 145 by my run next Sunday - which will put me a grand total of 158.1 miles in 12 weeks.  My shoes are tired (as are my FEET).  Running mags say you should replace your shoes at every 400 miles.  I wonder if I can trade in my tired toes for new ones as well?

That is my biggest curse... I run on my toes.  Sure, my calves look great - but the "balls" of my feet hate it.  I have callouses on top of callouses.  I don't even think the pedicure place will see me at this point.  It's going to take some serious work this winter to help them recover.  I didn't even know you could get a blister on top of a callous - but I have accomplished that as well.  Sometimes my toes fall asleep while I'm sitting.  My calves pulse randomly.  My right hip flexor reminds me every day that I'm not 21 anymore.

But still - I am so thankful.  I literally thank god every single time I run.  I can't believe I have been blessed with a body that can run, let alone walk.  I spent the first 39 years of my life taking for granted what my body can do.

So next week is it - the big run.  My last year in my 30's.  A HUGE thanks goes out to all of my friends that spent tireless hours talking to me about running, my pains, my desire to quit, what clothes work best, what hydration system to buy... only runners can appreciate these topics but to all others who don't run and listened anyway, thanks for being there for ME.  I have the BEST of friends and family!

Off to log 5 miles in the 40 degree cold morning weather...

We're TRAINING!

The 12 week journey has begun!  I'm on the countdown to the Gobbler Grind 1/2 marathon in November and I'm totally pumped.  This week was easy - total of 11 miles.  Not to shabby for a grandma! 

On day three this week I was striding along on a nice 2 mile run and only about a half mile from home when I tried to run up a curb and totally slid on the side of my foot.  For a brief moment I had a glimpse of an injury that wouldn't allow me to run.  That would be absolutely devastating given the work I have put in this last year!

At Eli's baptism this weekend I had an opportunity to talk to my prior sister-in-law (sounds SO much better than saying "ex".  She had just completed a triathalon and had a blast.  She encouraged me to go to the site and check it out - the next one is a women's only event and would be perfect for a first timer.  Really?  I have never run that far - I think it's a tad bit out of my league.  But who knows - maybe instead of the full marathon for my big 4-0 next year I'll just do the triathalon instead?  Can you say midlife crisis?  At least it's a healthy one!  Until next weekend.... 

Ready to Run

I have gained a true understanding of exactly what running has meant to me this past year.  That, along with my turbo kick, has created this awesome outlet mentally for me.  Sure, my physical being has changed considerably.. but I had no idea how much my mental and emotional state had been affected by exercising.

In January I had a minor procedure conducted that has caused me to have restrictions for the past month.  Technically, people heal within 1 month; however, I can't see my physician until March 3rd for release.  That will mark 6 WEEKS of no exercise.  It has been unbelievable how it has affected me.  Not only have I become totally depressed, my clothes fit different, my attitude is crappy and I generally feel ill.  Sure, I'm certain most of it is "in my head".  My biggest pet peeve in life is being told I CAN'T do something.  Everyone knows I can do anything I want (spoken like the true baby of the family)!  But I honest have learned that I have grown to love exercise... that rush of adrenaline and pushing your body to perform in a way you never thought it could.  Allowing yourself to indulge in a piece of cake because you know you will work twice as hard tomorrow to work it off.  Knowing that my body was changing in a way that I didn't think possible at my age and seeing the direct results of my efforts. 

So I have waited all this time.  Not so patiently either, I might add.  I've complained alot - not of the pain, of the endurance of waiting.  I know I am the most inpatient person but now so does everyone else!

So thank you to all my friends, neighbors and family who have given me words of encouragement.  Thank you for listening me drone on and on and on about having to wait to exercise.  Really, if that is the worst thing that ever happens to me I am a VERY, VERY blessed woman!

So tomorrow, the shoes are going on.  The laces are being tied.  I'm not waiting anymore.  I feel great - I'm taking it slow and I will enjoy every single step of my run.  I will look forward to the one after that, and the one after that.  And  I promise to never take for granted again my ability to lace my shoes and hit the ground running! 

On the rise...

I traveled for business this week to Los Angeles and made the very wise choice to stay in Santa Monica versus the city my client is located, which is in an industrial area just east of "East LA".  Not my fav part of town, so I like to stick with just driving there and promptly leaving afterward.

I had hoped to rendevous with my good friend and collegue Laura Locke from my San Francisco office but we couldn't coordinate our schedules this time.  Of course I miss her immensely - aside of being my friend, she is an extremely important mentor to me in my business.  She has topped the sales for our employee benefits division for the past 2 years - virtually unheard of from a woman, at least in my company.

So without Laura, I couldn't stay in the beloved Loews Hotel (a client of Laura's).  The price point is significantly higher than my companies threshold and I couldn't use her discount without her.  So I did the next best thing I could think of - I searched for hotels all around it so I could be in the same area.  Wow, was I in for a shock!  There is a reason SoCal rents hotels for $600 a night - besides the weather Santa Monica (known as Muscle Beach) has more exercise minded individuals per square mile than any other city along the shores of the west coast.  
Remembering a funny conversation Laura and I had on our last visit, I booked a room at the Hotel California.  It was a quaint little hotel nestled right next door to Loews Hotel, so I thought I was in the clear safety wise.  I'm pretty sure had Davis been with me, it would have been immediately nixed.  Besides the fact I had to park my rental car down at the beach at a $6 lot that closed at dusk due to the construction on the parking lot at the hotel, it turns out that it really was a MOTEL, with outside doors and all.  The heater in my room turned out to be a stand alone radiator type heater on 4 rolling wheels, except one of my wheels was missing so it tottered back and forth when I turned it on.  Pretty sure I was in for burning the joint down.  To bad I didn't bring any candles, just would have made it that much more fun.

As I unpacked my bag, I immediately started dreaming of my run on the beach.  The weather was fantastic - 55 in the morning and 77 in the afternoon.  I opted for fish tacos and an ice cold beer on the pier instead of an afternoon run, selecting the morning for my assault.  I did some shopping on Third Street Promenade, seeing some of the most interesting people I have ever seen.  A man playing steel drum who I swear sounded just like Bob Marley, with a woman down just a bit from him singing as beautifully as Aretha Franklin.  As I thanked the Haire Krishna for his pamphlet, I took note of how thankful I am to live in such a diverse and free country.  Where else can you see such a melding pot of cultures, virtually accepted - okay, well, a bit.  I grabbed an evening movie (Brothers - yikes) and then headed back to the hotel/motel.  By the way, if you were wondering.. yes, the Eagles actually DID write the Hotel California song IN the actual Hotel California in Santa Monica.  Just a little bit of trivia.

Crashed by 9 (11 our time), I awoke at 4:00 am promptly, as usual when traveling on the west coast.  I laid in my bed trying to convince myself to get back to sleep, but my running shoes were taunting me.  I was like a little kid on Christmas - couldn't WAIT to lace up.  Finally falling asleep, my alarm woke me at 6 and I jumped from the bed.  I'm not sure, but I think it only took around 5 minutes to dress and get out of the room and down to the beach.

I opted for a sidewalk run rather than the sand to start.  The interior sidewalk (there are 2, actually) closest to the beach was perfect.  The sky was dark blue, stars were out and the pier was lit with Christmas lights.  I pushed my i-pod buds in my ears and started to run, easy.  The air smelled different than home.  It was certainly much warmer than this time of year at home.  Even the way my shoes hit the ground felt different.  As I picked up speed I realized that what I love most about running is my ability to THINK.  Uninterrupted.  Unintentionally, really.  It's total me time.  No wonder it suits me, being the baby of my family and all.  The warm air was nothing compared to the feeling of the sun once it started to hit my face.  The sun rose quickly over the water in beautiful hues of pink and purple and I thought to myself I must be crazy for living in the midwest.  Sure we have beauty, but not like this scene.  I wish Davis could be here with me to see this at this very moment.  I love time alone, but when something strikes me I always want to share it.  I took pics instead and stuck them on facebook.  Thank god for technology - but it doesn't do any justice for the real thing.

My run lasted about an hour, of which I ran the last 1/2 in the sand.  I didn't actually enjoy that part as much as I had hoped and imagined in my mind - it was tricky to make sure my feet were steady with each stride.  I was afraid of turning an ankle 3 weeks before my next race.

I have learned to love to run for so much more than just the run itself.  It's turned into a little gift to myself - a piece of quiet that helps me sort my crazy, wonderful life.  I can't wait for the next run through the neighborhood in 20 degree weather.  I'm sure it will be exactly the same as this experience.

SNOW DAY!

It is the first official Snow Day of the season and I'm anxiously awaiting Coop's decent from his room. 

No doubt he will be jumping with joy as he prayed it would continue to snow, snow, snow last night.  Little does he know that they aren't actually canceled due to the snowfall; rather, the 15 below zero wind chill which will undoubtedly trap him in the house the entire day. 

What will begin as the most exciting, thrilling moment of joy will quickly end in the famous "I'm bored... let's go DO something momma" standard phrase.  Isn't it enough to just stay in your jammies all day?  Oh yeah, that's what Sundays are for. 

So I'm mentally preparing for the ebb of excitement and quick decent into frustration that will fill my house momentarily.  I will try to discover something new we can do to hold his interest for more than 10 minutes which working from home.  Thank god for video games, computers and television - what did we ever do without this multitude of technology?  Oh yeah, we used our imaginations.  Well, it will come in handy today as I try to suggest things for him to do!