Brave Little Toaster

Oh how I miss the simple times.  Yes, I'm referring to the 70's as that would be my generation.  Hubs mom and I sat last night and reminisced of the good ole days.  The days when hubs could get on his bike and ride all over the entire neighborhood unsupervised.  The freedom, independence and bravery he felt when trekking off on his own.

I spent 37 years of my life in my 'hood.  Sure I moved out when I got married, but my first apartment was less than an mile away from my childhood home.  My second and third?  Yep, you guessed it - within 5 miles of my momma's house.  When hubs and I married we moved about 15 miles east of my momma's house.  I seriously cried all the time.  Hated being that far away from my mom.  And no, I wasn't a codependent child.  I REALLY, REALLY loved my mom and wanted to share my life with her!  Plus I was a young momma myself and I really needed the guidance - I had no idea what I was doing.  Hubs loved me enough to move from our apartment early and get us a duplex.  You guessed it.  2 miles from my momma.

My mom fell ill when I was 25.  It was rough.  Bubba was in 1st grade and old enough to know there were concerns.  Hubs did the ultimate for me - we moved into her house to help.  Because that's what families do for each other... unconditional love and sacrifice.

We stayed there 12 years together.  Little guy was born in that house.  Bubba and I would chat about all my childhood memories in that house.  He loved growing up in my old bedroom.  He is just as sentimental as his ole' momma.

Because it was my family home, I felt safe and secure there.  I felt safety even for Bubba to have freedom.  Most of our neighbors had been there when I was a child so they were grandparents... good people.  Bubba could stay out until the street light came on, just like me.  He could ride his bike throughout the 8 block neighborhood without fear.  He could play hide and seek in others yards and not be afraid.

Little guy isn't getting that same experience.  I LOVE our neighborhood and my neighbs are the BEST anyone could have.  But he can't jump on his bike and ride 5 blocks away.  We don't leave him outside unsupervised (luckily he can go out without us a little - our neighbs are out often watching their own kiddos so he does get a little sense of independence).  We have build jobs happening constantly so the flow of unknown cars coming and going spikes everyone's attention.  It's just not the same anymore.

It saddens me that my little guy won't ever know what that felt like - to be away from your parents and feel that sense of bravery.  I think that's why I enroll him in different activities that challenge him to be brave.  I want him to learn that feeling in some way.

We are getting ready to sign him up for his first summer camp away from home.  It's in northern Iowa.  Bubba went to this same camp 5 summers of his childhood and LOVED it.  It will be the ultimate test of bravery - 6 days without mom and dad in a strange place with nobody he knows.  I hope he finds the challenge as rewarding as Bubba did (and that I don't break down and BAWL when when we leave him!)

Why YES, I do Love my Cousin...

Ah crap.  I hate those talk shows where you have a totally dysfunctional family airing all their dirty laundry in public.  "He slept with my sister's best friend" crap.  Eww.  So tacky and white trash.

I find myself in one of those familial situation once again... and somehow my ex's 4th wife is right in the middle of it.  Lovely.  I sent my application off to Springer this morning so I'm sure we'll get accepted.

See if you can follow along:

One of my siblings dated one of my best friends after we graduated high school.

They got pregnant.

They got engaged.

They broke engagement.

They had a baby (my niece).

I got pregnant.

I got married to my ex (ugh, shoot me).

We had a baby (my son).

We got divorced.

So far, easy to figure out.  Now the fun part.

My ex married 4th wife 3 years ago.

4th wife is now best friends with my prior bestie (see above.)

She has a son from one of her previous marriages (not sure how many she has...)

That would make my son and her son steps or something like that (unfortunately).

My previous bestie's daughter (my niece, remember?) is apparently dating 4th wife's son.

Hmmm.... seem incestuous to anyone else but me?  Wouldn't that in some universe actually make them cousins by some means?  Oh I know, no worries - they aren't blood.  That makes it completely normal.

I just discovered this news last week and have been pondering it ever since.  It's quite fascinating and I'm sure would make a great show.

So like in all good families with ex's and the crap that follows them, my niece will now no longer speak with me because she loves her new family better (so she told me quite clearly) and my ex is her favorite person on the planet.  It must be because of his stellar parental skills I'm guessing.  It will be awesome if they marry and my ex (her uncle) becomes her father in law.  She thought my family was bad... just wait until she fully experiences that one. 

All I can say is if she ever needs her family history information it may be difficult to get it if she cuts us all out.  Drawing lines and making declarative statements with a Scorpio is never a good idea.  We hold grudges longer than an Indian Summer and are not quick to forgive or forget when people crap on us or our family.

I guess the positive to this is that one by one I have almost successfully eliminated all traces of my ex and his poison.  See, if you are determined you can do anything!  I feel like I am living a true reenactment of the show Revenge!

As I advised in my Liar Liar post.... pathological liars and sociopaths have very deep roots and will work to destroy your family if you let them in.  No shocker it reached this level - my niece was unfortunately easy to penetrate.  The good news is 4th wife has officially run out of my peeps to try to infect.  My core group is as strong as an old oak and can't be infiltrated.  I guess she'll just move back to the other ex to harass.  

I wonder if she ever tries to stab at 3rd wife?  Probably not since she and my ex didn't have kids together.  She seems to only target parental relationships by manipulating the kids.

And back to my happy place, striking a Namaste pose....

As a footer to all of this - I officially do love my niece very much.  I'm very proud of her and her accomplishments and wish her the best of luck in all her future endeavours.  I'm hopeful she will live a successfully happy life!

Mom, not the Government Cheese Again?

I am not perfect.  There, I said it.  I don't pretend to be, either.

At one point or another in my kid's lives, I have neglected them.  Yep, I actually make mistakes.  Shocker, huh?  I have forgotten an important assignment, or that it was special t-shirt day or that I was supposed to help them remember to bring in 4 empty paper towel rolls to school.  

I don't really have a lot to complain about - I have two only children that were raised 12 years apart so it's not like I have a huge family to juggle and schedule.  Both of my boys were simplistic in their activities (by my doing of course).  Our rule has always been one school, one sport activity at one time.  I require some time be spent at home doing NOTHING but playing outside or laughing with a family member.  Even with the advent of the stupid technology we are pulled towards we still have a "no phone at dinner" rule in our house.  Family time is precious to me and we don't get near enough of it in my opinion.

But in my defense, I have been a working mom for the past 20 years.  That does put a spin on my memory.  I have to remember several clients and their employee benefit plans and all their intricacies, so it's no surprise I forget the paper towel rolls.

Bubba's school life was a little bit like jail time.  Not federal pound you in the ass prison but more like county jail.  He could come and go of course but once he got home I just took over like a drill sergeant.  He struggled in school.  From 2nd grade on, he just had a really hard time.  So I took the next 10 years riding him all day, every day.  I was involved in every assignment, from a single paper to a 10 page essay.  I sat at our kitchen table for HOURS and HOURS trying to figure out why he didn't like school.  Hmmm, I have no idea.  Couldn't possibly have anything to do with me, I'm sure.  I too had difficulties in school.  Focus has always been hard for me and taking 6 classes a day with multiple mounds of homework was extremely hard for me to juggle.  It wasn't unusual for me to miss homework unfortunately.

Little guy's experience is completely the opposite.  I hardly ever have to sit down with him.  HE brings me his homework and shows me what he's done.  He loves school completely in every way.  He knows tests are coming three days away and actually studies for them ~ independently.  He reads and reads and reads as many books as he can get him hands on.  My expectations of him are the same as they were for Bubba so I'm not sure how they can be so different?  But alas, all kids are different.

But both the boys have something in common as it relates to my memory:  the government cheese sandwich. It actually isn't called that (at least not anymore), but anyone that has kids in school probably knows that if you fail to send in lunch money for your kiddo, the school gives them a plain cheese sandwich to eat for free.  See, they aren't complete asses - they WILL feed your kid for free if you need help!  But no hot food for them - nope, they are destined to eat the cheese.

My hubs told me years ago that it was the same for him when he was a kid in his school - no money, cheese sandwich.  Of course the schools bought in bulk (as I'm sure they do now) and had these HUGE blocks of cheese... kind of like what the government would buy for our military.  Or for any government institution I would guess.  Really what I think hubs meant was WAY back in the depression era, the government would distribute bread and cheese to people who didn't have any money to eat.  

Hence.... government cheese.

Oh and to be clear on this - I'm not talking about a buttery, toasted, melty cheese sandwich.  I'm talking Wonder White Bread and a slice of American Cheese.  No melt.  No butter.  No toast.

Bubba ate the government cheese a time or two.  Little guy has too.  The difference is Bubba wouldn't have said much to me.  Little guy?  When I came in the door last night before I even removed my coat, he reminded me IMMEDIATELY that he didn't have any lunch money in his account and he was NOT going to eat the government cheese.  Yep, classy I know.

No fears, little guy.  Account is full again.  I'm sorry momma forgot and you almost had to eat the government cheese.

Ah... the joys of learning to navigate parenthood.  I'm sure the boys will throw this in a therapy session one day.  Glad to help you out, kiddos!

Here Comes the Bride

I had the most awesome experience last night.  My first niece in my family is getting married.  What an INCREDIBLE feeling that is!  We are given these incredible nieces and nephews from our siblings (or in-law sibs) and just fall in love with them as much as our own kids.  They are such an awesome treasure.

I had the great honor and opportunity to join the sweet girl and her momma last night dress shopping in the little town I live in.  I teared up before even walking in the building - I remember the moment my momma and I found MY wedding dress almost 20 years ago.  Such a rite of passage into womanhood. 

Sweet girl checked in and pulled out her wish list of dresses she loved.  The dress shop gal was AMAZINGLY patient - she pulled dress after dress trying to find the perfect matches for her.  After collecting about 9 dresses she started to try them on.

WOW.

I've always, always thought my niece was an incredibly beautiful girl inside and out but words do not do justice for what I witnessed last night.  She was BEAMING with excitement.  Twirling, swaying... having fun.  Needless to say her momma was a bit teary eyed.  Comes with the territory, momma!  I cried at Bubba's wedding out of pure joy and celebration of his life event.

Obviously it's her first attempt to find a dress - she could find the ultimate one four more shops down the road.  But one in particular really stood out.  It was a perfect fit for her personality and she looked more beautiful than any bride I've ever seen (well, except for my daughter!).

I was so excited to share this experience with her and her beautiful momma.  I cannot WAIT for her big day.  It will be the event of the season!

Much love to my precious sweet Jecca Bear!  I know your Nana Pat is smiling down on the beautiful woman you have become!  I am so lucky and proud to be a part of your special day!

That's MY uterus!!

My boys and I have a fairly open dialog when it comes to certain topics.  Bubba was always a very matter of fact kid:  just tell me what I need to know and nothing more.  He wasn't really into the details.  Little guy is totally opposite:  he always wants to know step by step details down to the minutia.  It's exhausting.

When we returned to school after holiday break, I received the letter I've been dreading.  The Human Sexuality Curriculum is starting at little guy's school.  Oh just kill me now.

I remember my experience with Bubba and this event like it was yesterday.  It was his 4th grade year (1999) and Bubba brought home a note to inform me this was coming.  The letter gave us options ~ we could go view the video by ourselves (parents) first, we could view the video WITH our child first, or we could just let them view it in the classroom with their peers.  Being the overprotective momma bear that I am, I went to view the video first alone so I could prep Bubba on what he was going to see.  I didn't want him to get caught off guard not knowing something about his body before the other kids said something about it.

I went to the viewing.  Oh god.  It was so much worse than I thought it was going to be.  Did I see this when I was in school?  I sure don't remember it if I did! (Of course I was in the BOY video viewing... but nonetheless).

I figured they would point out parts of the body and talk abut puberty.  End of discussion.  Um... not exactly.  Sure they talk about those things.  But don't forget all the other stuff... like "don't pop a girl's bra - it's disrespectful".  Really?  We have to SAY that to these boys?  I would have MURDERED Bubba if he even thought that was an acceptable maneuver.  Lucky for me he had absolutely NO interest in girls in elementary school.  They were just stupid and annoying to him.  Thank god.

After the viewing, I came home promptly and sat Bubba down at the kitchen table.  I opened the dialog by spewing everything the video displayed, naming all the parts correctly and paying special attention to anything "icky".  I asked him if he had any questions, he said no.  Got it mom.  I told him he could always talk to me openly- I wanted him to feel completely comfortable in his knowledge on this topic.

The next week, he viewed the video at school.  I could tell the second he came home that night that something was wrong.  He seemed embarrassed, a feeling I HATE for my kids to feel!  I asked him what was wrong.

"Mom, you didn't tell me EVERYTHING I needed to know."

"Bubba, what do you mean honey?  I told you everything that I saw on the video.  What did I miss?"

"Mom, you forgot to tell me that I had a uterus!"

He is beet red now and humiliated.  I sit in shock for a few minutes.

"Bub, you don't have a uterus sweetie." 

"Mom, YES I DO!  And you forgot to tell me and I looked stupid when I didn't know that!"

I sat baffled.  I had no idea what he was talking about.

"Bubba, there is no way you have a uterus.  That is what mommy's have to have babies.  Boys do not have them."

"Mom, I DO have one.  They told us all about it.  It's where my pee comes out of my penis!"

OH MY GOD.

Yep, he meant urethra.  

"Bubba, you mean your urethra.  Yes, son.  You have a urethra.  I am so sorry I didn't tell you that."

I quickly ran to my bedroom and shut the door, bursting into laughter.  Funniest moment ever.

Now it's little guy's turn.  I can hardly wait.  I know he is going to grill the hell out of me, hubs and everyone else he talks to.  He will want specific details on EVERYTHING.  From start to finish.  Oh lord, help me through this!

Away we Go

Ah bliss.  Barring a couple of steps, hubs and I have finally planned a weekend away together.  We tried to recall our last trip together, just the two of us.  After sitting in silence for what seemed eternity, we recalled a short getaway weekend to Omaha to shack up over 5 years ago.  Pathetic.

Sure, we've been on a lot of trips together.  Just not alone.  If I had work conferences that took me somewhere fun and his schedule allowed he would accompany me.  We had some awesome fun - Mustang Island (in a Mustang convertible no doubt).  The River Walk.  Maui.  But in all of those trips I usually had my time dedicated elsewhere and not completely to him.

Where do people go in the winter to reconnect?  We could go to a beach somewhere, lug coolers and food down to the water, lug it all back to the car.  Ugh.  That does not sound appealing to me right now.

We could go to a spa and just check in?  Fun sure, but still too many distractions as our closest spas involve casinos and I'm pretty sure I know how that would end up.  Bright lights, noises and gambling - not my idea of reconnection.

So I sat still and closed my eyes, thinking of what I really wanted to do.  Relax.  Spend time in the kitchen with hubs.  Hike.  No phones, no computers, no television... no distractions.

Bingo.  No distractions.  Isn't that the entire purpose of reconnection?

I found it.  Log cabin in the woods.  Long way to get to it, totally secluded.  All of the amenities of a 4 star hotel with ATVs to boot, surrounded by woods, tons of wildlife and peace.  Oh, and did I mention the cell service isn't so great there?  I am so freaking excited!

So barring arrangements for little guy and the fur kids, we are on the road in just a few short weeks.  I cannot WAIT.  I think it may go down in the books as the best vacation ever.

Pain in the Ass

Oh holy hell.  Two days into P90x2 and I'm about to die.  I actually had to drop onto the toilet from about 2 feet above it because I can't squat to sit down.  I'm pathetic.

I remember my first true exercise event post little guy, which embarrassing to admit was when he was only about 3 years ago.  I had survived Bubba moving out, selling my family home and building a new home.  For the first time in a LONG time, I took a long hard look at myself.  Ugh.  What a mess!  I had totally let myself go and was squishy everywhere.  I met some great runners and athletes when moving into my new 'hood and felt compelled to join them.  Best decision I have ever made.

I've had a gym membership for over 10 years and openly admit a good 6 years of it I never graced the doors to the building.  Total slacker.  But I knew that if I was going to try this running thing, I would have to get in some extra exercising.  So I finally got up enough nerve and walked into a Turbo Kick class.

I had no idea what I was doing.  There should be entire support groups for people that get up enough nerve to join in a class at a gym.  Especially when you have no idea what is happening.  I felt much like I do right now after that first class - physically sore in every muscle on my body.

So after only two days, I hurt everywhere.  Advil won't cut it.  Took a jacuzzi tub so long that my skin totally  pruned and still got out sore.  I'm so thankful that tomorrow is a stretching day - there is no way I could endure this much three days in a row yet. And it doesn't help that I'm not drinking during my fat shredding phase.  Well, not as much anyway. :)

Hubs cooked up a storm today and together we made breakfast, lunches and snacks for next week.  We are working together to break the demon's cycle.  Of course he's down weight faster than me but I'm determined to catch him!  We are both running Warrior Dash in May and as competitive as we are with one another, one of us is going down.  Bring it on, tough guy!