All about FATE...

She is a mirror, shining back at me with a world of possibilities. 
She is a witness, who sees me at my worst and best (and loves me anyway). 
She is my partner in crime, my midnight companion, someone who knows when I am smiling, even in the dark. 
She is my teacher, my defense attorney, my personal press agent and yes, my shrink. 

But most of all - she is my confidant.  She knows my thoughts, actions and words before I do most of the time.  She has examined me carefully for 20 years and yet still calls me almost every day.  If that's not dedication, I don't know what is.

Although we didn't go to elementary or middle school together and didn't really know each other in high school, we found one another.  We coincidentally married in (and divorced out) of the same family.  Upon departure, we figured something very important out.

We were different from one another... yet perfectly compatible.  We were destined to become sisters.

As I reflect back on the last 20 + years of friendship, I can't really pinpoint a single time where we were distant in our hearts.  Even living in different countries at one time my thoughts have always remained steady on my best friend.  In the lowest moment of my life, she was calm, loving and supportive.  She spent countless hours counseling me through the grief of losing my mom.

Which by the way they share this same special day.  Coincidence?  I like to think not.  The two women I have loved the most in this life were born on the same day.  Cancers.  I should have known from just that smidgen of information we were destined to be tethered forever.  They are so much alike it floors me.  They share the same honesty, loyalty and sarcasm.  It's an amazing similarity.  But most of all - they totally, completely GET ME. 

If I ever die suddenly, she knows what to do.  She loves Hubs and my kids as much as I do (at times more!)  She would spring into action, protect and support them and pull them through with anything they needed... without even thinking twice.  She would bear her own grief privately to give them all her strength.  She is completely selfless when it truly matters the most.

And THAT, my friends, is what life is all about.  Having a connection, knowing in your heart someone has your back, feeling unconditional love... it just doesn't get any better than that.  We tried to explain that to her daughter a few weeks ago.  Not everyone in life finds that perfect friend that they will hold onto for life.  But when you do... hold on tight and never let it go.

Cheers to the best day ever - the day my momma was born 76 years ago and 34 years later my best friend came along.  I happen to believe it's fate because, well, I'm a dreamer.

I love this beautiful woman!!!

Have a great Sunday, friends!

Jen

Another 4th Come and Gone...

I prepared myself to be a little bit jaded this Independence Day.  I'm still 1,600 miles away from my west coast kids which makes me sad.  Especially since I spent last holiday with Sassy and Nugget loving all over them.  Here are my fave pics of last year:

Oh, and Hubs had to work.

We started our holiday at the local community fireworks blast (and about an hour of rain).  Little Guy and I decided to shake it off - we played in the rain rather than complain about it.  After filling our bellies we climbed into the back of Hubs' truck and watched the show.  Although a breezy 63 degrees, it was wonderful.

The 4th brought a day of swimming, sun and fun with my BFFs fam.  Since she absolutely LOVES when I'm sentimental, here goes:  I LOVE THAT FAMILY!!  Not in a "aren't they cool to hang out with" kind of way either.  I completely, 100% love all of them.  They are fantastic.  Self professed "sisters", BFF and I have been together officially just over 20 years.  We have been through everything together:  marriages, divorces, births, deaths and every life event in between.  I can be myself completely with them, in times of vulnerability they are a constant support of me.  And in times of joy, I only have to look over my shoulder to see them there.  They are my true family and I am completely blessed to have each of them.  They show my family true unconditional love which only strengthens my belief in the fact that although we can't chose our family, we can certainly create one.

The last two decades seem to have flown by.  Our kids are older now - mine with a family of his own and hers driving and considering colleges.  Our little ones are still friends and enjoy each other's company.  Our husband's may not have chosen each other as friends originally in their lives but they like one another just like brothers in law would do.

I took the little ones (hee hee... I know they aren't so little but I can't help myself) to a concert Friday night.  Watching the two of them be themselves even though they are so different told me they too have embraced being family.  I cannot believe these are the same two children:

Hubs and I trekked down to our local farmer's market Saturday morning and hit the jackpot.  Fresh fruit and veggies galore.  We absolutely love this part of summer.  It holds the promise for me when we have our own little piece of earth we can sustain our lives with fresh grown food.  

We wrapped up our weekend attempting to camp outside.  Hubs and I absolutely loved camping in our 20's, often dragging Bubba to rivers to canoe, cook out and sleep under the stars.  Little did I remember that sleeping on the ground is HARD.  20 years definitely left some scars on these bodies of ours.  As we watched little guy snooze away, Hubs and I were reminded how much we have changed.  I'm proud to say we made it two hours.  By 2:30 am, we were all snuggled comfortably in our beds.  I definitely see an air mattress in our future if we attempt this away from home.

As I sit quietly this morning, I cannot help but take stock of how blessed I feel.  My family is healthy, we are happy and we are complete.  Whatever life challenges are thrown our direction I know in my heart we have the love and support of our family.  

I wonder if they can help me out with this scorching sunburn I picked up at the pool yesterday.  There isn't enough aloe in the world.

I hope your weekend was filled with fun and love, friends.  The middle of the summer has arrived and in just a few short weeks fall will be upon us.  Take time to soak up the sun, love those around you and don't forget to laugh a little bit!

Happy Sunday, friends!

Jen

These are MY Truths

I first started to blog the day before my 38th birthday and the journey has most definitely been an eye opening experience.  It has become so much more than I originally thought it would be.  It's my story, my journey, my perspective.  The entries contained within are my experiences and my opinions. 

They aren't right or wrong.  They are mine.

It's fascinating to me that anyone really would care about something I write.  Especially if they don't know me in the first place.  Sure, my friends and family have opinions about what I write.  As expected, since I usually write about them.  But as always, I am shocked when people lash out about something in my blog that don't even know me.  I seriously don't get it. 

I think maybe it's time to address a few items openly to hopefully help those that struggle with my posts.

If you don't know me, don't assume to understand me. 

If you have never met me (or have only met me once or twice) you cannot possibly know or understand the journey that brought me to this singular moment in time.  Just because you may have a friend or two (or ex) in common with me does not make you the expert on all things ME.  Unless you have looked in my eyes, walked in my shoes or verbally addressed me you cannot possibly claim anything I write is correct or incorrect.

My posts are MY opinions, not yours.

I may write something from time to time that hurts your feelings.  You may disagree with me.  And that's okay.  But just because you don't agree with me does not constitute me being a "liar".  I learned at about age 6 that there is my opinion, your opinion and the truth somewhere in between.  Everyone has a different perspective and they may not be able to come to a consensus of the true intent of a situation.  When you place even more spaces between the two people experiencing an event the truth becomes even more muddled (OMG - did you hear what she said about what he told his best friend?)  Yeah, by the time you hear whatever that was, I'm sure it's jacked up. 

Firsthand is always best.

As I look through my old posts, most of them are in the first person.  They are about me saying how I feel about something.  Or my kids.  Or my spouse.  Which makes since... afterall, it is my blog.  Sure, you may share an experience with me, or my kids or my spouse.  But my posts are MY perspective.  If I happen to indicate something negative (which I try hard not to do unless I'm reacting to something) and it upsets you then you'll have to address that with me.  Or just stop reading my blog. 

What's Mine is Mine

Ever heard that saying "I can be mad at my family, but you can't?'  My BFF and I use it all the time to remind each other that as best friends we always look out for each other but when we are mad at someone in our families we are able to vent to one another without repercussion (meaning she won't hate my fam and I won't hate hers).  It's kinda simple:  my family may be weird, different or uncommon... but they are MINE.  So step off, basically.  I think that's fairly explanatory.

I'm proud to say that I don't have to many enemies in life.  Just a few, actually.  It's fascinating they would ever read my entries, given they don't speak to me, my hubs or my kids.  There really would be no reason for them to have a opinion about anything I write.

But apparently they do.  So hopefully this entry helped you out a bit if you happen to be one of those people.  Or just piss you off more.

Either way, have a great Saturday! 

Jen

Friends For Life

I'm so freakin' excited!  I have another new BFF!  It's such a great thing that my truest best friend in the whole entire world knows and understands my crazy tendencies to fall in and out of admiration with others and NOT be jealous.  She is such a rock star.  I need to tell her that today.

I have a very tight knit group of super friends in my 'hood.  Five couples, really... so 10 super friends. Of course I'm friends with ALL my neighbs but these 10 have a special little nugget of my heart and I would jump in front of a bus for them.  I'm not sure I would do that for just anyone, especially friends that are conditional. 

Well, that number just went up!

We have known some friends that live on the other side of the 'hood for a few years now, with their oldest son playing football with Coop.  I've chatted with both mom and dad during practices, games and year end parties.  We even trick or treated together last year with our kids (which was WAY more fun for us adults than the kids!)  But to really get to know each other, you have to get a little muddy.

Bundy's joined us for Warrior Dash festivities this year and what a blast we had!  They are truly sarcastic... both of them.  If you know me, you know sarcasm is totally lost on me (which is why most of my friends are sarcastic... they like to pick on me!)  I'm always the one in the group that will do anything and believe anything I'm told.  Extremely literal.  I take everything as gospel ~ why would anyone lie?  So naive.

Our festivities continued onto another neighb's Cinco de Mayo party Saturday night and the real fun continued.  Hellcat (aka mom) is HILARIOUS.  I can barely keep up.  The couple banter exactly like Davis and I.  Destined to be married for life (because it's to exhausting to consider divorce and coparenting!)  I knew we would be lifelong friends when she dropped trowel next to my neighbs air conditioner because the potty was to far away.  Yep, I'm in love.

So now I'm addicted.  I want to see them every day.  I had so much fun laughing with them I cannot WAIT until we can all get together again.  Better be this weekend.  I seriously can't go very long without seeing them again.

It's good to be me.  I'm gonna start signing my texts to her LYLAS.  Yep, I'm from the 80's!

Happy Thursday, friends!

Jen

Oh Woe is Me

It's that time of year again - cold and flu season is upon us.  The only dislike I have about the changing of our seasons is that it always seems to bring about new germs (or old ones wake up?)  Who knows.  End result - everyone I know is sick (or has been sick, or will be sick in the next month).  Ugh.  My favorite holiday only 3 short days away and impending sickness is all around.

Little guy started new basketball team ~ germs.

Nugget started new daycare ~ germs.

Hubs feels icky from little guy.

Daughter feels yucky from nugget.

My work BFF was just sick from her little one.

A coworker outside of my office hacked her poor head off the last two weeks.

Another coworker was diagnosed with bronchitis last week.

Bubba was sick two weeks ago.

And on, and on, and on.  So no doubt I am going to get sick.  I can feel it coming (or can I)?  Sometimes I think my mind plays tricks on me.  I feel tired, but I always feel tired so that probably has no correlation.  I just spent the day yesterday with my MIL, so hope to god I didn't get her sick.. she totally can't get sick. 

Oh and a weekend at a health fair.  Health Fair.  Term is quite contradictory frankly.  I've not seen that many unhealthy people in one room together.  Good thing they were at the health fair!

So I have my antibacterial gel.  I have kleenex.  I'm lysol'ing the entire house tomorrow night and Wednesday to prepare for my family guests.  And I'm going to pray.  A lot.

I did decide we could all just lay on the living room floor with blankies and watch the parade if we are too sick to eat or move on turkey day.  I sure hope that doesn't happen since I'm the one cooking. 

I'm sure the wine will kill my bacteria.

Get off the Road!

This one is for my BFF.

I had to pick little guy up from hubs p's house and get him to football practice.  Easy peasy, as he often tells me.  I didn't leave the office until almost 5, which for those of you that know me understand that is a tad bit late.  Checking out the highway on ramp, I made the quick decision that wasn't going to be a viable option.  Two things happen in Kansas City in the fall:  1.  It gets dark at 5.  2.  It rains.  Both of those things happened today.  Anyone that drives in Kansas City knows that people in Kansas City cannot operate their vehicles when these two things occur simultaneously.  It's a strange phenomenon that I swear I will figure out before I die.

So I made the quick decision to avoid the highway and go the backroads.  Only problem is there isn't much of a quick effort to where I needed to go from where I was without basically going ALL the way around the city I currently live in (or going directly through the middle of it).  I picked the latter and drove through my city to jump on yet another non-moving highway to trek to the p's house.

Geesh, what a huge mistake.  When I got to the second highway, I averaged 35 mph for about 10 miles.  Only took an additional 30 minutes or so, no big deal.  Grrr.  I have NO patience (or time) for that nonsense!

Suffice it to say, even though my wonderful mom-in-law had my son bundled up (in the rain) on the curb when I pulled up to a slow roll for him to roll in, we were still late arriving back in my city to bball practice.

How does this fit my BFF?  Well, she spends her life in the car from 4 to about 10 every night.  My gorgeous two nieces are involved in many after school activities (none close to one another, by the way) so every night of her life she drives, drives, drives.  Drives and waits.  Picks them up and drives to another place and waits.  OMG.  I swear I would stick daggers in my eyeballs.  I HATE my car (well, not when the top is off)... but truly I hate to drive.  It's means to an end for me - get where you need to get as quickly as possible and get out.  Driving across country for vacation?  KILL ME.  There aren't enough books or alcohol to calm me down to sit in the car that long.  I'd have to be sedated.  Heavily.

So hats off to all the moms (and dads) out there that make this nightly ritual.  I honestly don't know how you do it.  I wish we could go back to the old days, like when I was a kid and needed a ride home from the skating rink and my momma didn't want to get out and come get me so she called a cab.  Yep, true story!

Finding the Funny

I'm smiling today.  Not really because I want to but because I was told to. 

A seminar speaker (yes, another one) that I heard a couple of weeks ago said we have the power of positive thinking.  We could actually sort of will something to happen in our lives if we remained positive about it.  Seriously.  Who in their right mind believes that?  Oh ~ she sure did.  We even did an exercise where we looked at our partner (the BFF) and said outloud something we wanted but in the past tense, as if we already had it.  Of course I said "Oh my god BFF, I LOVE my new car!  Did you see it yet?  It is so freakin' awesome and I'm so excited to drive it!"  Oh yeah, that worked.  Next day I found out I needed an entire freakin' new engine.  Ugh.

So I don't totally buy into the whole "positive thinking" mumbo jumbo.

But she did say something that I think might be accurate.  If you look hard enough, really really hard, you can find something funny in everyday things.  Gut laughing funny.  Man, I could use a big dose of that today!!

I'm hoping to stumble into something funny soon.  Supposedly it's right in front of me.  Another hmmmmm.  We shall see!

Compart"mental"izing

As I chat with the BFF today, I was reminded of an awesome skill that she and I both seem to possess ~ the skill of pushing things aside to "deal" with later.  Some might want to call that procrastination however it is not.. I assure you!  I am one of the biggest procrastinators on the planet so I'm very aware of how that operates.

This discussion reminded me of a comment that was made to me a few months ago from another friend.  The talk was on how easy it seemed to be to have friendships with the opposite sex but somewhat struggle with same-sex friendships.  This area can be quite sticky for some depending on their marriages or partnerships if the spouse or partner isn't naturally trusting.  Thank god I don't have that problem in my own marriage!  I have several friends that aren't really trusted to hang out with members of the opposite sex. 

So back to the comment:  I was told I "compartmentalize".  What in the hell is that?  Of course I know the meaning of the word but I had no idea whatsoever how it applied to me.  Further explanation made it all clear:  my friend indicated I "think like a guy".  I put my thoughts and emotions into boxes of sorts.  Home... work... this group of friends.... that group of friends.... this part of the family.... that part of the family... and neither the 'tween shall meet.  However that saying goes.  Basically I don't cross my life paths.  And this goes so much further beyond just categories of people~ it applies to my EMOTIONS as well.  Move this emotion over to allow the experience of another one.  It wouldn't surprise me if I think like a guy ~ I was raised by a guy, had two brothers, tons of guy cousins and uncles and primarily only played with boys when I was a kid (get your mind out the gutter!)  They always seemed easier to get along with and didn't judge me on my hair or clothes ~ just liked the fact I could climb the tree and play army as well as they could.

I've always thought of myself as a "what you see is what you get" kind of girl.  My sun and moon signs are both in Scorpio depicting I truly am exactly as how others see me.  I strive to be real, not put on any airs and show the world exactly as I am without being something I am not.  Obviously, this is a bit of misnomer to me - how can I be exactly as I am if I am constantly "compartmentalizing" myself?  Do people see that I do this?  Is it a bad thing?

As kids we are brought up to believe we should behave a certain way.  A wife should behave one way.  A mother should behave another way.  A friend should behave this way.  So it's no doubt to me that I have created compartments for each portion of my life especially if any one specific part requires me to behave in a way inconsistent with what I REALLY strive to be.

But maybe there is just some hidden meaning in the word and she didn't want to say it to me ~ hmmmmmmm?

Belly Laugh

Keeping in trend with my new education of self, I was reminded last week of how crucial it is that we try to have at least one moment each day to laugh.  I don't mean chuckle, smile or sort of half laugh politely ~ I mean thrown hands in the air, hysterical laughter that makes your belly shake and your eyes tear (or completely sob, whichever the case). 

I got that moment this morning, and it was so totally out of the blue and silly but I couldn't help myself.  I was on the phone with the BFF and we were having our normal daily banter (yep, I talk to the BFF every single day of my life (or try very hard to) and have since we were about 18!).  We have almost the same discussion every morning:  what's up with your kids, what's up with mine, what drama did you encounter last night, how are we gonna pay our bills, love our kids (that's usually the main topic) even though they drive us nutty... same ole same ole.

As we were running over last night's events and today's agenda, we both spilled that we must go to the store.  There is no food in the house.  We are out of the "necessities".  In short:  she needed toilet paper.  Okay, why is that funny?  Well, at least once a week, she buys toilet paper.  WAY more than the average bear (no pun intended, Charmin).  She lives in a house with 3 girls and 1 guy, hence the over-usage.  I, conversely, live in a house with 2 guys and 1 girl, so it seems to last me FOREVER.  I know, way TMI.

So she has come up with a plan.  She has thrown down the gauntlet in her house and achieved her Queen status:  NO MORE THAN 2 SQUARES PER VISIT.  I died laughing... rolling off the couch laughing.  Pee my pants kind of laughing.  Seriously, this will work?  I say.  Yes, it will work.  I mean it!  I laugh even harder.  God I love that woman ~ I have NO idea what I would do if I didn't have her in my daily life!

Try to take time to get in a belly laugh today.  My entire day was reshaped the minute I let that out!