Do you Deserve?

Most of you know that I am FAR from materialistic.  I don't have to wear certain brands, flash shiny bling, boast the latest gadget or earn braggin' rights on anything I own.  I get that from my southern Missouri, simple parents that grew up with just what they needed and nothing really more and I'm quite comfortable in my station of life.  I work for what I have, provide with hubs for the family and earn my keep in my home not sitting around waiting to be waited on.  One of my biggest faults though is feeling undeserving.  I get doses of that from time to time, especially when life is going well for me.

Yesterday we had our Christmas celebration with Bubba, girlie and buddy and my in-laws.  I don't even know why I refer to them that way any longer, it's been almost 20 years since they accepted me into the family!  Mom and Dad are always so good to me.  

As they were leaving yesterday afternoon after a wonderful day of festivities, Dad told me he was proud of me.  Proud of the wife I am.  Proud of the mother I have become.  Blessed to have me in his life.

I shook it off at the moment ~ frankly I was a little bit embarrassed.  I said "No Dad, I'm the lucky one".  And I meant it.

Meeting hubs was quite unintended, to say the least.  The chances of meeting in life without the circumstances in which we met are about 1 in 1,000,000.  He was in a relationship, I was dating someone.  Cliche' as it might sound, when I met him I knew he was the one.  Instantly.  I had NO plans to marry.  Quite the contrary!  I had no plans of ever remarrying after my first marriage and certainly had no plans to give Bubba a stepdad.  That entire concept was foreign to me at that time ~ not even an option.  I just figured I'd date when I had a chance and find happiness with Bubba, my friends and my family. 

Hubs tells me that when he met me, he also knew.  How can that be?  I was still in the midst of an 18 month divorce process, had a 3 year old son, was in the process of moving in with my mom because my roommate and I couldn't make it work (she was single with no children, so not her fault but in a different phase of life) and I had nothing.  Literally nothing.  My perception of him at that time was that he was from a wealthy family, had a beautiful car, worked a serious job (traveled 26 weeks a year, unfortunately), wore all brand name clothes and couldn't possibly have an interest in me.  I was wrong.  Thankfully.

We were introduced to each other in August.  By October we were dating.  He proposed to me on December 23rd.  We were married the following July 31st.

19 years later, I still can't believe it.  Sure, we have had a zillion arguments.  We've tried to go War of the Roses on each other about a million times.  We've made thousands of mistakes.  We have both been unforgiving hundreds of times.  But we realize something really important:  we were meant for each other the day we met and still are today.  Besides, who else would want either one of us at this point?  I guess I am deserving of it!

I am blessed for the opportunity to build my life with my best friend.  I love ya, hubs... can't wait for the next 20 years, hopefully in the Tiny House!  Merry Christmas!

Ewww, don't touch that!

I think one of the things I love about the holidays (or changing any season really) is the fact that I get to drag out all of my decorations and CLEAN.  Really clean... like move the furniture clean.  After an hour and a half of grocery shopping this morning at two different stores I came home and started in at 10:30.  I just sat down 8 1/2 hours later.  And I'm not really done yet.

But I do find it awesomely rewarding to look around at my abode and see actual wood without dust on it.  See carpet without Jack and Bella's fur on it.  

I do absolutely, unequivocally HATE one thing:  toilets.  Seriously?!  I am convinced that if I lived alone I bet I wouldn't even have to clean the toilets.  But these boys?  Geesh!  I get multi-tasking but just TRY to hit the water, will ya?  UGH!

So with that nasty task completed (times 4 by the way), I am chilling out for awhile before the cooking extravaganza begins.  I'm so excited - Bubba, my girlie girl and nugget are coming to spend the night!  I love that the kids have been gone three years and they still want to come home for holidays (even though they live in my town).  I cherish these moments even more now that Bubba is headed to boot camp.  Every extra second I get with the kids is a huge reward!

Off to move laundry... then I'll chill.  Maybe :).

Happy Thanksgiving Eve!

No conditions

I'm quickly approaching the seven year mark of when my mom passed away. I can hardly believe it- it seems likes just yesterday I would pick up the phone every morning and dial her 417 number. From the time I got pregnant with my first son until she died, I spoke to my momma almost every day. Simple stuff really- upcoming travels (she HATED when I flew), Bubba's events (especially sports), how hubs and I were navigating marriage... Nothing was off limits. I told her EVERYTHING- every fear, every insecurity, every joy. She taught me to accept differences, give the benefit of the doubt and believe in the goodness of others. In few words.... Unconditional love. TRY to be accepting when it's hard. TRY to love those you struggle with. And most importantly.. trust yourself. I still hear her voice, feel her hand on mine, see her pride. I don't have all the answers - I didn't take Love and Logic or Parents as Teachers. But I know this: my boys will ALWAYS feel unconditional, non-obligatory, complete love from me until the day I die. They will walk his earth knowing whatever choices or mistakes they make I will be unwavering in my commitment to them. That is the most important aspect of parenting to me. The rest has a beautiful way of working it's way out!

(OH - and by extension, my girlie (aka daughter in law) will have the same level of commitment and respect.  My bubs chose her to be his life partner so she gets my unconditional love as well.  I've even warned him ~ you guys don't work out, you better know she isn't ever going anywhere!  She's officially part of our herd!!)