Bean Buddies

My friend CC and I are running today ~ first run of 2012!  The 2012 Battle of the Bean - Coffee versus Cocoa.  How fun is that?  Race chotchkees includes a mug and the long sleeved shirts are SUPER cute!  Thank god, we're gonna need 'em.  We must have picked THE coldest damn day of the winter thus far to be out running!!

Last year at this time I started my marathon training.  I loved running in the cold.  Well, let me clarify a tad bit:  36 to 48 degrees seemed to be my perfect running weather.  I could handle down to about 28 as long as the sun was shining on my face.  Anything lower and it takes a bit of a toll on my joints.

My most memorable run last winter had to be in February.  The actual temp wasn't too bad if I recall - maybe around 22?  My friend Nutt and I had a 10 mile run that Saturday morning, which caused us to need to get an early start.  We met at 6:00 am at our corner to begin our trek.

What we didn't realize until we stepped out was that during the night, a nice slow rain occurred putting a beautifully glassed layer of thin ice on the pavement.  Hmmm.  This might cause a bit of a challenge.

We took out (as all good runners know, the weather does NOT preclude you from getting in your miles!) and quickly realized our run was going to turn into a bit of an acrobatic routine.  Each single, solitary step had to be taken with light grace and forward motion.  No push offs.  That just wasn't in the cards unless we wanted to face plant.

We made it all the way to one of our turnarounds, mile 4, and stopped to regroup.  This was impossible.  We were most certainly faced with a sprain or break if we kept on much longer.  Our inner thighs were burning (not to mention arches) from trying to augment our steps so we wouldn't fall.  It was the first (and only time) we made the decision to quit moving forward and turn and run home. 

As we rounded a pretty sharp corner on a narrow two lane road we watched a minivan coming towards us, spinning out of control.  Stupid soccer mom.  Don't you realize you have no WEIGHT in that thing!  We both jumped off the road and onto the shoulder for safety.  Although she was across the street from us, we didn't want to take the chance.

We head back home and arrived unscathed.  Our 10 mile run turned into an 8 but we were so thankful to be off the road we didn't care.  Oh the things you will do to get in your miles.

Today's run will be much shorter, just a little 5k, but I'm excited to get back out there.  I do love running and how it makes me feel.  Mostly I appreciate how strong I feel when I'm finished!

So we're off ~ wish us luck!  The temp is 16 with a windchill of 6.  We must be nuts.  Of course, the run is called Battle of the Bean, of which we are both coffee drinkers.  I see a GIANT latte in my near future!

Mean Girls

When I was preggo with little guy, I prayed and prayed that God had given me a daughter.  I would even lay in my bed at night, singing and talking to my little sweet girl.  I even bought some pink things at the beginning of the pregnancy.  I was just convinced.

It didn't help that my momma was desperate for me to have a daughter.  She and I had such an awesome relationship and she wanted me to feel that with my own daughter.  Oh don't get me wrong - it wasn't always that way.  We downright threw down from 8th grade to my sophomore year.  

But alas, one of the zillion sonograms I had told us our destiny:  a boy was on his way.

My momma cried when I told her.  I was pretty disappointed but tried to hide it.  I eventually warmed up and of course by the time little guy arrived I was thrilled to be having another boy.

I had lunch yesterday with a girlfriend and learned of her 12 year old daughter's recent drama.  She attends a school that has 6th through 8th graders together in one building.  She's caught in a harassing situation right now.  One girl in the school doesn't like her.  Seems harmless, right?  Not so much.

This little girl follows her in between classes calling her names.  She gets other girls to join in on the antics.  In short ~ she's jealous of my friend's daughter and she's a big, nasty bully.

Even knowing that this little girl is just an insecure bully, it still just kills me that this is happening to my friend's little girl.  Seriously.  Why in the hell do little girls think they can just be mean to others?

Oh, oh, oh.... I've got this one!  I think it's because they have mean ass mother's that teach them to be mean.  It's my only answer.  I believe all kids are good (just like all dogs are good, their owners are the assholes).  So you have to put some blame on the parents... how else could they be that way?

My suggestion to my friend?  I told her to tell her sweet girl to stand up straight, hold her head high and tell this other girl to "Bite me".  Say it in front of all HER friends.  Then walk off.  Personally, I'd probably tell my daughter to say much worse and follow it by flattening the mean girl but that's not really appropriate.

I had experience with this when I was a teen.  I had one boyfriend through all of my 4 years of high school and spent all of my time focusing on him, thus neglecting girl friendships almost entirely (with exception to my bestie).  There were several girls that didn't like me.  So what.  But I did get the "Bitch" whispers in the hallway when I walked by a few of his ex's from time to time.  So awesome.  

Halfway through my freshman year after dating him for 2 months, one of his ex's had a issue with me.  To this day I am just convinced she had massive envy because she didn't even know me to hate me.  She gave me such crap that I finally broke and missed two weeks of school.  My parents were terrified I was depressed.  I told my mom what was happening and she was LIVID.  I have no idea what she could have done for me but by the time I went back to school, it was over.  I passed her every day in the hall and she never said another word to me.  I'm pretty convinced my mom intervened on my behalf in someway but I won't ever know for sure.

I am fairly convinced that if I had a daughter, she may not have any friends at all.   I would create the most confident, sassy, true girl with probably no filter and she wouldn't take crap from anyone.  Not to mention I would make sure she knew that no boys were ever good enough for her, giving her an even bigger ego so she could weed out the losers.  But I'll tell you this ~ she would be NICE to everyone.  I would kill her if I ever caught word of her being cruel to another person, boy or girl.  Even if she just happened to be hanging with other mean girls, I would make sure she understood that mean behaviour is just NOT acceptable.

Hats off to my friends with daughters.  You have such a tough road ahead of you.  I hope your daughters will be confident and not let anyone hurt them.  And please remind them to be nice to that shy, quiet girl.  She doesn't deserve to be picked on!

And the boys?  Well, you unfortunately have to worry about all of them.  I only have to worry about one!

Fantastic Fathers

My hubs said the most profound thing to me. 

When he was a kiddo, he had a Youth Pastor that was lecturing the kids on responsibilities of fatherhood.  He told the boys the following:

The most important thing a father can do for his children is show them how much he loves their mother.

WOW.

I actually stopped what I was doing and immediately pondered what just came out of his mouth.  As far as I am concerned, he (and his Pastor) are BRILLIANT.

If born into a traditional family setting with one mother and one father, as children we come into this world loving both of our parents.  Sure girls may tend to gravitate towards their fathers and boys tend to gravitate towards their mothers at different times in the growth cycle, but nonetheless children love BOTH of their parents.  Even in documented cases where one or both parents are abusive to their children either physically, emotionally or god forbid sexually ~ children will still love their parents.  They are biologically designed to do so.

When a parent is cruel to the other parent, particularly in front of their children, a child has no other option but to defend the person they love.  It's no different with your siblings quite frankly - I have often said to others "It's okay for ME to be mad at my brother but no WAY anyone else can!"  It's a protective gene we have for those that we love.  We never want to see them harmed in any way unless of course they have hurt us themselves (which is an entirely different blog).

I reflected back on this and my own life and hubs is so right.  My parents divorced when I was 16 and my mother never said a single, solitary bad thing about my father to me.  In fact she did quite the opposite - if I expressed anger towards my dad around her she would plead with me to patient, to be understanding, to try to work it out with him.  She loved him until the day that she died with every fiber of her being.  Maybe because she just did, or maybe it was because he was the father of her children.  I won't know the answer to that.

I have said a zillion times on here and to anyone that will listen that I absolutely DESPISE my ex.  I wish I would have never married that man.  It was such a huge mistake.  I was to young to understand that I already had Bubba, I didn't need to marry him just to make it look better.    But I will say this ~ as much as I hated him, as much anger as I had for his lackadaisical way of being a father to my son, I always, always defended him to my son when he didn't show up.  I made excuse after excuse trying to protect him in the eyes of my son.  I could see how desperately my son wanted his father's love and attention and it tore me up when he disappointed him time and time again.  But I just sat back and let be what was going to be.  I will never, ever forgive my ex for the long list of crap he has done to my son but I am still saddened for my son.  As an adult now, my son does not speak to his father.  He severed his relationship with him on his own accord to protect his emotional and physical safety.  But it wasn't because of me. 

Well, wait - I'll take that back.  Maybe it was partially because of me.  His father repeatedly thrashed me.  4th wife has even addressed me as "that whore" to my son.  Big mistake.  Because my son loves ME, too.  And you can't make kids choose.  If you do, you won't like the consequences that come your way.

Both of my sons are so incredibly lucky.  My hubs and I are certainly not without faults.  We have made marital mistakes.  We have argued in front of our children a time or two.  But my boys know all the way down to their core that my hubs loves me unconditionally.  And by extension, they will learn to become wonderful fathers and husbands.  Bubba is already the most amazing father and will never, ever be hurtful to nugget.  He respects my daughter in law so much and loves her unconditionally - something little nugget will no doubt see and understand clearly.  And thus the cycle will continue.

To all my friends going through divorce or coparenting afterwards, try to take in those words above.  It doesn't really matter if you are a mom or a dad - just remember that the other person is incredibly important to your children.  Remember that your children unconditioanlly love their other parent.  Be kind in your words about them.  Overkill with kindness.  Let them see that without their other parent, they wouldn't have become the little ones that they are, even if you don't like your ex.  Show them the best example you can despite your circumstances.  Your children will appreciate it later in life, I promise.  And if their parent is a jackass, they will figure that out as well.  In the end, they will respect you for being the bigger person and always being there for them.

And to the step moms and dads that may be reading, one final piece of advice.  Tread very, very lightly with your stepkids about their other parent.  If you trash their mom or dad (your spouse's ex), they will grow to despise you.  Remember, they love their parents.  They are designed to protect them.  If you try to interrupt the general flow of the biological p's it will eventually bite you in the ass.  Oh you may win little battles, but when the kids get old enough to figure out your antics you won't be on their Top 10 Favorite People list.  In fact, you'll be on the People to Avoid list for the rest of your life.

Fittest Guy in the Nuthouse

It's official - he should be committed.

Hubs ordered Insanity Asylum.  From the moment he ordered it, he has tracked the package and its route.  It's been the week before Christmas all over again in our house - he has been filled with excitement!

For those of you that don't know, my hubs has had quite the journey.  Three years ago this spring he finally gave in and visited an orthopaedic surgeon who delivered the news that he had a herniated disc in his back.  Pretty overwhelming at 39.  He had lived pretty tough on that body of his ~ for YEARS he drove big trucks delivering  bottled water or food to customers.  A lot of twisting, a lot of lifting, a lot of pressure on the back.

He had surgery three years ago to correct the issue after 2 rounds of failed epidural shots.  The surgery seemed to work.

Last year, we found ourselves right back in the ortho office with similar pain.  After MRIs (which by the way was WAY worse for hubs than the surgery itself... he is a massive claustrophobic!), we found he herniated the same exact disc.  This time... irreparable.  It totally blew, like a balloon popping.  Surgery was not only inevitable, it was required.

  

We found a new surgeon - the best surgeon EVER in my opinion.  He is young, in fantastic shape and has a GREAT bedside manner.  After meeting with him, we learned our only perfect solution was to get a spinal fusion in that space where the disc is gone.  Ugh.  Much more invasive surgery.  Under anesthesia much longer.  Three day hospital stay.  Scary.

We took a leap of faith and did the surgery.  Hubs was a champion.  He soared right through with no complications and recovered beautifully.  The only difference this time is that he was given a significant amount of donated bone mixed with his own marrow to create this "cage" around the fusion site that would need to "grow".  Very complex if you ask me.  I'm always amazed by what the human body can do.  Recovery time?  Up to 18 months.  Oh man.

A few weeks ago, hubs visited the surgeon for his 7 month post surgery review.  He has been completely cleared.  Remarkable recovery, so they say.  The bone growth will continue but it has done exactly what the Dr. wanted it to do.  He has been given the green light to go forth and conquer the world.  And that he is!

Since that visit, he has hit the gym every morning mixing in cardio and lifting (which he has missed so much!  It's funny what you miss when you can't do it).  He has ordered Asylum.  He has signed up with me for Warrior Dash.  He is ON IT.  Fierce determination.  Maybe that is where little guy gets it?  He is working so hard to hopefully not experience the surgeries he had to endure ever again.  

So as I sit and blog away with my coffee in hand, he is working out behind me.  He is ATTACKING it quite frankly.  He has sent me pics of abs on guys I've NEVER even seen before, showing me his goals.  OH MY.

I better get off  my butt and work harder.  What is that saying about turning in your 40 year old wife for two 20's?  I'm off to CC's this morning to hit our P90x2 workout ~ I foresee some SERIOUS competition growing in our household very soon!  Bring it on, tough guy! 

Round 2

Here we go again!

Little guy has made it to the second round of the Spelling Bee at his school.  Such a HUGE deal, to him at least.  He was given 101 words to study in preparation of the Bee.  We tried memorizing them aloud but finally resorted to the good ole fashioned flashcard method.

He's so anxious about this.  By extension so am I.  It's funny how some things can be all consuming (one of his words) and overwhelming.  He has studied for weeks for this Bee.  He is determined to win.  And not just a little bit ~ he is fiercely (another one of his words) determined.

I have no idea where he gets this.

I do have to say that I don't remember knowing the word entrepreneur when I was 10 but maybe I did.  We had to look up half of his words to define them for him and help him learn to spell them.  I'm an adult and can barely remember how to spell etiquette or bouquet without really thinking hard.  

So once again, sending out extra love to my little guy today.  Praying for calm, patience and that underlying bit of determination to succeed to prevail.

Go get 'em, Scooter!

BITE ME!

Grrrrind.  Ugh.  I awoke again this morning with the tightest jaw ever.  

I was diagnosed with TMJ when I was 14 years old.  My dad was with me at the doctor when they told us this news.  He knew it would be something like this evidenced by the fact our dentist had been telling him for years that I grind my teeth.  My molars are SUUUUPER smooth!  

It doesn't help that for whatever reason God deemed necessary, I was born without second molars or wisdom teeth.  So I'm down 8 teeth to some. The big ones.  The ones that take the brunt back there.

I tried everything back then.  My dad even sent me to an acupuncturist when I was 16 because of my severe migraines.  Ultrasound, heat, ice, nightguards... we tried it all.  Nothing helped.

It wasn't until I grabbed control of my stress level that it finally ceased.

I find myself here again.  It comes and goes in the oddest moments.  Sometimes I'll go for over a year without experiencing it and then BAM!  It's back.  Ouchie.

I even did Yoga last night trying to calm myself before sleep.  My friend in exercise hell (CC) will be happy to note that Tony Horton removed many of the Oooms that we experienced in P90x but I sat quietly afterwards and ooomed away until I felt totally calm.  I was instantly asleep when my head hit the pillow.  5:30 am - BAM.  Massive headache, tight jaw and serious pain.  Oh... and my teeth hurt.  Grind.

So I've got some things to work out.   Need to remove a bit of this pressure somehow.  I'm not living on migraine medicine (or Advil, for that matter).  I will be CALM!  (It doesn't help that my neck and shoulders are in AGONY from a zillion pull / chin ups this weekend!)

Home Sweet Home

When hubs and I made the decision it was finally time to sell my family home, our search for a new environment was quite specific.

We had completed the Dave Ramsey plan earlier that year and paid off every single cent of debt we had accumulated.  Somewhere in the $58,000 range.  HUGE elephant left the room!  That coupled with our income gave us the opportunity to almost triple the cost of a new home over what we were paying at that time.  In short - we were living way below our actual income "means".

We knew a couple of things we wanted.  

A true neighborhood, with families and kids at or around Coop's age.  A place where kids went outside after school and in the summer to play.  Parents around our age (not retired like our old 'hood).  

A school that would be diverse in every way.

A 'hood that had a pool (yes, I'm selfish).

A lot on a cul-de-sac, if at all possible.

LAND around us somewhere - if not our own lot, then very close by.  Didn't want to be on top of our neighbs and have some privacy.

About 6 years before we moved, we had seen a new 'hood open up on the west side of our town.  Prices were out of range at that specific time but the houses were cute.  Looked like a real neighborhood.  And it had a pool.

We jumped in the car and came out to the place.  Wow, it had grown immensely in 6 years.  The houses were bigger that were being erected and we weren't sure we could afford it.  It was definitely a possibility.

The next week, hubs called me from that 'hood.  He told me he had just went through a model house with the Realtor and I had to get over there - I was going to fall in LOVE with it.  I got off work and headed that way.  I liked the house he pointed out, it was nice.  The house next door to it though - I fell in LOVE.  I walked in the door and that was it.  I just knew I would be living in that house.  The Realtor and I practically had a contract drawn up before I even left her that day.

That was February, 2008.  We had a contract signed by March and our home broke ground in April.  We moved in September.

I hear people talk about looking for their dream homes, taking sometimes years to find exactly what they want.  I think hubs and I are so lucky that we really do have a lot in common - many of our ideas fall right into step with one another.  We literally looked at 2 houses in one 'hood and made the choice.

We were invited to a party at our neighbs across the street from our build before we even moved in.  Meeting our new neighbs was intimidating, but they were very welcoming and fun.  We knew by the time we left we had made the exact right decision.

I love our home.  It's way more than we need and once little guy graduates, we will sell it.  But living in the moment, I love every nook and cranny of it.  Sometimes I have moments where I wish we could have filled it with children, but alas... another blog.

Oh, and as a footnote... with exception of 3 (including me but I really don't count us - 1 has grown steps, my son has his original mom and dad and my other friend is navigating the steps), ALL of our neighbs extending well beyond our 'sac are non-divorced families.   Originals.  One mom, one dad (or two moms, which is fine by me!) and original kids.  It's Mayberry.  See, the old normal does still exist in certain places!