Open Letter to my Second Daughter

Dear Future Mrs. Little Guy,

I haven't met you yet but feel it is my responsibility to inform you what you're in for when you select my son as your partner.  The biggest advice I can give you to a successful marriage is to accept the fact that you will never, ever change my son (although you may definitely influence him).  He is exactly as he is and unless he decides to make conscience changes to himself in the future you are going to get what you get.  This letter is my attempt to prepare you as best I can because I'm that kind of mom (plus I don't ever want you to say I didn't warn you).

The obvious - when you marry him, you get US.  We are a tight knit family that would die for one another if need be (let's just not get that far, shall we?)  We are disturbingly loyal to one another and once you join us, we will forever protect you.  It's kinda like a cult.  Just ask my first daughter.

Speaking of, you need to be prepared to be EXCELLENT friends with my first daughter.  She is a lot like me - strong, independent, opinionated and a bit stubborn.  But once in her graces, you will be forever as long as you accept the above.  If you are a drama queen, you will not fit into our fam.  Fair warning.  We don't accept that crap.

Little guy is quirky.  That's the best definition I can give you at the moment.  You'll figure that out quickly (and it will most likely be what you love about him most).  Just remember he is both the baby of the fam and a Libra, hence a little self serving.

You will need to be spontaneous.  Little guy desires constant structure and is a serious planner so you will need to throw out spur of the moment life events to balance that out.  Otherwise, your life could get a bit routine and therefore boring.

I am forecasting that you are a bit free spirited.  You will love that he is fun and easy going but just know that he is extremely driven.  He cannot be pulled off goal and the majority of his life is already planned (at 11).  Jumping in the car and moving to Phoenix spur of the moment won't occur with him.  If you really love him and want to be with him you must know that he has priorities that most likely won't derail. 

Probably one of the most important hints:  you MUST be independent and have your own life goals separate from him.  He will not stop his education or career for you no matter how much he loves you.  He will expect you to do the same for yourself.  In the end, however, he will be an excellent provider for you and your future children.

Don't be surprised if he wants to wait a L O N G time to have children.  And don't be surprised if he only wants one or struggles to come to the decision to have any.  Again, I can't tell you enough how independent he is... aka a bit selfish.  Sorry, it's the truth.

Underneath all of his drive and determination, he is vulnerable and sensitive.  His greatest desire is to not disappoint.  You will see him at his weakest if he feels he failed you in some way.  Be careful with your words during these times (which of course you will experience). 

He is  S L O W.  Oh man, is he ever slow.  The good news for you is that if you let him he will guide you to enjoy every single minute of life.  The bad news?  If you are anxious or easily excitable this is going to be the single thing that drives you completely NUTS.  He takes time to process everything - conversations, events, decisions - everything.  He can do it - he just takes forever to get there.  You must be patient and not rush him or he will be frustrated with you.

He is not a morning person.  Period.  He has to get up at least an hour (if not more) before he has to leave the house (and this is assuming his items needed for the day (including clothes) are already chosen.  Again, see above.  S L O W.

We will be at every life event you have together (whether you want us there or not).  And when you have kids, we'll be there too.  Our family is our life and we cherish involvement.

Although we are territorial, I think we share well.  We will blend in with your family and try not to embarrass you to much.  But we probably will a little bit.  Sorry about that, in advance.

You will have the utmost loyalty and trust from my son.  Please don't ruin that - it's one of the things I love about him.  He comes by it honestly.

Your father in law is quiet.  He isn't shy and he doesn't dislike you.  He just takes time to warm up.  Tell an off color joke - that will get him loosened up.  The more real you are the more he will like you.  And don't talk to much about your hair, clothes or nails.  Oh, and if you like to hunt or fish (or have ever been hunting or fishing), he will love you immediately.  If all else fails, wear camo to our house. 

If you play your cards right, I'll probably like you way more than I like my son.  It's a good union, just ask my first daughter. 

My son has a very long fuse.  I hope you don't test it to often.  When he blows, it's a bit brutal.  He learned it from his Dad.  The good news is he recovers very, very quickly and is back to normal before you have even figured out what happened.  If you are a grudge holder this may be a bit difficult for you.  He will have moved on and forgotten all about it while you may be holding onto it.  My advice since I live it?  Learn to LET GO.  It will benefit you well to do so.

And lastly.... by saying "I do" it means more than just matching plates and hand towels.  We take this seriously.  The D word is not allowed in our family unless you are talking about other people.  We require serious sticktoitiveness... meaning you can't give up.  Times will be hard.  REALLY hard.  Sometimes you will be unhappy.  Sometimes you will be frustrated.  Sometimes you may feel lonely.  Running away is definitely the easy solution.  We encourage you to be different than your friends and family, if applicable.  To be stronger.  To not run away.  To stick in it, push through it and enjoy the sunshine on the other end.  No worries, the sun always comes back up.  We will help you find that sunshine.  And after you celebrate 50 years together, you will have figured out what very few people know:  life is much more satisfying with a true partner to share it with.  Oh, and love is kinda an added bonus.

After all of this admittance if you still want to join us we would love to have you.  We promise to never intentionally hurt you.  If we ever do hurt you, we expect your honesty so we can be forgiven.  And above all, we promise to love you unconditionally because our son will.

But I do sincerely apologize that you won't be able to get him out of bed.  Ever.  Good luck with that.

Momma D

Time for me to FLY

The day has finally arrived.  My son has his ship orders ~ subject to change in accordance to the United States Navy, of course.  He's heading out west... his desired location.

Not really mine.  But I'm not sure any location would be my desired location at this point.

Reality has set in and it's unavoidable at this point.  The kids, my kids, are moving across the country.  They are leaving my hometown.  They are leaving us behind. 

I know it's a great adventure.  I know it will be awesome.  I'm not quite sure why I'm hyperventilating.  Nonetheless, I am.

In all honesty, I had hoped in the back of my mind that they would end up in Florida.  I've had a secret crush on the state for a long time now, have a great friend living there and love to visit.  I could picture myself there, eventually, with my kids.

The west coast?  Not exactly.  I don't know why, but for some reason I can't see myself there.  Ever (well, for more than a visit, anyway).  As much time as I have run on Santa Monica beach, cruised 5 Highway in LA at mach 10 and soaked up the sun in between client visits there, I still can't see myself there for any extended period of time.

I'm a bit conflicted today.  Extreme pride and joy, as always.  A bit anxious for the actual move.  And truth be told ~ panicked about the future without seeing my kids at least once a week.

So I did what I always do.  I Googled flights.  I'm sure my daughter would laugh knowing this as both my son and I are self-professed Google-maniacs.  If you want to know ANYTHING about ANYTHING, just Google it.  $321 round trip.  Plus a rental car.  Plus a hotel.  Minimum $600 for a weekend trip.

Can I afford to take a trip every month?  Because right now I feel that's what I'm going to need to do.

But I fear I won't.  Life will get busy.  Time will slip away.  Weeks will turn into months.  And that makes me sad to even consider.  And makes me hyperventilate.

For now, I'm going to just run.  Training always makes my head clear and helps me accept new challenges.  I'm going to pray to not be so afraid of these changes and hopefully sweat the fear right out of my body.

And I'm going to keep my eye on the boat... I mean ship... my son will work on shortly.

It is quite impressive.  In addition to "management" there are 340 enlisted men and women working on the boat.  I mean ship.

I'll get it right someday.

Have a great Wednesday, friends.  Sorry for the ho hum... just being a real person today.

Jen

What's the Plan?

Everyone always thinks boys are so much easier.  Yeah, right.  Don't get me wrong... I am so thankful I had two boys!  They are true loves of my life.  I absolutely adore them.  But oh, how I wish I would have had a daughter.

And then I did.

I unequivocally, unconditionally love my daughter in law.  We get along so well that sometimes I have to remember that she only came to me because of my son.  Or divine intervention.  That might be a better explanation.

We have the best conversations.  I love when we can just sit back and talk (which always ensues hysterical laughter, usually at the expense of my son).  I'm so glad he doesn't read my blog!

We had this actual conversation this weekend:

K:  Mom, I still don't know exactly how and when Bub is leaving.

Me:  Well, I'm sure the government has purchased his ticket.  No way they buy them within 30 days of departure.  They'd be to expensive.

K:  Yes, I agree.  But I don't know when.

Me:  Do you think Bub knows when?

K:  If he did know, he doesn't know now.

And so it goes... we laugh.  We are in teen digits of his departure and we have no idea how and when this whole thing is going to work.  If Bub knows, he has forgotten or hasn't conveyed it to us when we ask repeatedly.  We sigh with joy (and frustration) of the situation. 

A big reason we get along so well is that we are both planners!  Oh sure, things can be spontaneous.  If they are planned that way.  'cause we just gotta know.

At least we can be confused together.  God love that boy.  We'll get him shipped out of here one way or another!

Happy Wednesday (on a short week!), friends!

Jen

90 Day Waiting Period

I can't believe it is already here.  90 days until my son's departure to the Navy.  Wowzers.

Jeremy joined the Navy October 25, 2011 and entered into the DEP program (delayed entry program).  Although he IS officially in the Navy, that truly doesn't finalize until the completion of bootcamp.  By entering through the DEP he was able to buy additional time with his family and make plans.  Therefore, although he is only known as "Future Sailor Cunningham", he still attends all required meetings and training sessions at our local training facility until his departure.

It's hard to believe we are only 90 days out.  It will certainly be here before we know it.

Hubs and I couldn't be more proud of both of our kids.  Ever since they enlisted the decisions they have made have been perfect.  They decided to save money and move in with family since they will be departing at different times to their stationed location.  They have been feverishly paying off student loans and debt to ensure a smoother transition.  They are making future plans as best as they can.

My eyes tear up with his impending departure.  I love to pick up my phone and hear his voice.  "Hey mom, what's up?"  I think I need him to call me and leave me messages so I can hear his voice when he leaves.

I have a lot of friends that sent their kids to college.  Same thing, right?  Not exactly.  Not only will I not see or speak to my son for 2 months during bootcamp but once his transition is complete he will not live here any longer.  I think that's the hardest part for me.  I can get through all the beginning stuff but the end result will be no longer living in the same state as my son.  And my daughter.  And my grandson.

So I pray a lot.  And cry, sometimes, when I get overwhelmed.  I ask God to allow my pride to overcome my fears.  I thank Him for giving my son such clear direction.  I ask Him to protect my daughter's heart and allow her to feel pride as well and not sadness over Jer leaving.  I pray she will have strength being a single mother until they can be reunited.

Today is a bit heavy but I am ever mindful that this opportunity will prove to be beneficial to this precious family.

I love you, Bubba!

Momma

This Is How We Do It

Today is a day of empowerment!

I feel so fortunate to have my blog as my outlet.  I have poured onto these "pages" my fears, joys, excitement and yes, sometimes anger.  My readers (yes, YOU) are so supportive and encouraging, laughing and crying and sometimes spitting right along with me!  I so appreciate all your emails, texts, comments and hugs over my entries.  Even when I'm having a cranky day, it always brightens it to know that I can pour it out here and get words of encouragement back!

So to honor all my friends and readers, I have had many questions on how this whole thing works.  Here is a simplified list of the Top 10 questions:

1.  How do you set this up?

2.  Does it cost to blog?

3.  How in the world do you have time to blog? (I get this one the most..)

4.  How secure is it to write on the web?

5.  Can you block readers?

6.  Why do you have "followers"?

7.  Do you have to put ads on your page?

8.  Can you customize what is shown on your page?

9.  Do you ever fear strangers / retaliation etc. from your blogs?

10.  More a comment, not really a question ~ "Nobody will care what I have to say."

Well friends... your long awaited chariot is HERE!  I thought I'd give you some Blogging 101 to help get you past the hurdle of intimidation you may be feeling.

More than anything, if any of you have ever been to therapy you know how important it is to journal your thoughts and feelings.  My mom bought me my first diary when I was 10 years old (a Hello Kitty one, and yes I still have it).  I would journal really important stuff like "I hate my brother" or "My mom is a doo doo head".  But what I was really doing (and still do to this day) was sharing my thoughts and feelings to help myself better understand what was happening in my life.  It gives great perspective to your life to write it out, if for no other reason but to reflect.

So for the questions above.  Here goes:

1.  Setting up a personal blog is EASY PEASY.  There are a million different sites that offer free blogging tools.  For mine, I chose to use Blogspot.  Here's the link:  http://www.blogspot.com/.  I landed there because a good friend of mine used it and I always loved her pictures.  That was the initial draw.  It is basically Blogging for Idiots... you can't mess up.  And if you don't want your website to have the blogspot title in it, you can choose to buy your own domain for $10 a year (only if you want).  My official webpage for those of you that don't go in that way is www.jdsjourney.blogspot.com.  

2.  Nothing!  It's free, unless you buy a custom domain for $10 a year.

3.  BIG secret coming on this one... I blog ahead of time, most of the time.  You can schedule your blogs out.  For example, I never ever write my Friday Faves on Friday (or Thursday for that matter).  They culminate throughout the week when I have time.  Much easier to get your blogging in every day!

4.  Security is always on the top of most people's minds.  What if someone can find my house by my blog?  Well, don't use your real name.  Or the name of your City.  Or the name of your kids.  Some bloggers that I follow reveal all about themselves personally and others are totally anonymous.  It's complete up to you and your comfort level.  (Keep in mind in about 5 keystrokes I can find out where you live, what you drive, where you were born, your birthday, your parents names, etc.  It's public information on all of us.

5.  Nope.  This one might be a biggie for some.  You can't block out who is reading your site, built in this format.  It is a webpage on the giant world wide web.  Anyone can read it.  My thought is if you have things to hide (or want to keep secret), don't blog about them!

6.  Readers can choose to "follow" me if they would like.  For those of you that view my page on your phone, you may want to jump on a computer to look at it in real life.  It is way cooler that way!  You will see who I read, past blogs (if you want to go back easily) as well as choose to follow me.  If you follow me, it just means that you will be notified when I blog.  Kinda like having Facebook on your phone and getting notified when you have a message.  Only I only blog once a day, so you are safe there.

7.  You do not ever have to put any ads on your webpage.  I tried it out as so many people talk about how much money you can make by advertising.  You can get specific on ads though.  I put a couple up on my page and if you click it, I can get paid.  It's nominal, so don't get to excited!  I'm not going to quit my job or anything anytime soon.

8.  YES!  This is what I love about Blogspot... the customization.  There are so many options, from backgrounds, to fonts, to colors, to pictures.  It's unbelievable what you can do.  Many of my readers have a very specific title and background and it is their "trademark" if you will.  I haven't gone that far yet.  I like changing my colors and backgrounds every month.  But I always leave my title, "My Soul Steps".  My blog is a reflection of the steps my soul takes every day.

9.  I don't fear strangers or retaliation.  I am typically only publicly negative about 2 people that I blog about - my ex-husband and his 4th wife - both of which I do not speak to or see.  I do not care if they read my blog or not. I also do not care if people tell them about it (if they don't read it).  I don't type anything in there that I wouldn't admit to their faces.  They are crap and I don't mind telling them that.

That said, if you are experiencing volatile relationships with others and are coparenting with them or working with them or something more intimately related, don't blog about them if you don't want confrontation.  It will only lead you to a drama filled life.  Every single one of my close friends know that I blog and that they may become the victim of a story some day.  It's part of knowing me.  They accept it (maybe not love it, but accept it... sometimes begrudgingly).  And by the way... my hubs has never told me not to blog about something.

10.  This one hurts my heart a little bit.  Friends, somebody will most definitely care about what you have to say.  Maybe you wouldn't have something to say everyday, but when you do speak you have a voice!  Your good friends and family will always be supportive of you!!  I will give you a bit of advice though... a lot of people are skeptical about blogging.  They worry about what others will think if they say this or that.  If you are one of those types of people, don't blog.  It will EXHAUST you wondering what others think of you.  Do it for self expression, for growth, for release... not for approval or acceptance.

My last piece of advice?  If you take this journey on, you will see that there are a million people JUST LIKE YOU in lots of ways.  Say you have a cause, like pet adoption.  By virtue of your blogs, others will find you and you will find them and all of sudden you will have an expanded network of people just like you.

I'm proud to say that my daughter took up blogging earlier this year and I LOVE reading her blogs.  They make me laugh right out loud most days!  She is funny, spirited and sarcastic.. but most of all she blogs about little nugget which I love to share in HER journey of motherhood! 

I hope you find this helpful in lifting the mysticism that is blogging!  If you want to take the leap and have any questions, I'm always here for you!!

Happy hump day!
Jen

Bite it, Bio Dad

Now that V-day is officially over, it's probably time for me to have a throw down blog.  I haven't had one of those in a long time! I'll try not to be overly negative (yeah right) so if you only want to read upbeat stories today you'll have to visit one of my other bloggers!

I ordered the invitations to my oldest son's going away party this week and once again, a chord was struck.  Those of you that know me understand that I absolutely despise my ex with every single fiber of my being.  And nope, I'm not some jealous ex (as if that would EVEN be possible).  He has monumentally hurt (physically, verbally and emotionally) and disappointed my son repeatedly throughout his life and once my son came to realize this was his reality, my handcuffs finally came off allowing me to say what I really feel about it.

Each time a life event occurs for my son, once again I'm reminded that it probably hurts my son that his bio father is such a piece of crap.  Ugh.  Hurts my heart.

I'm sure his 4th wife would LOVE that it hurts me.  She would probably do a dance over it.  She is that mature and thinks it's funny to be hurtful to others.  Mean Girl, most definitely.  I think we called those insecure girls bullies in high school, which she firmly still acts as though she's in.

My son is totally at peace with where his relationship with his Dad sits today.  He expects absolutely nothing from the man.  Not an apology, not a smile, not even any acknowledgement.  Personally, I don't know where he gets that strength but I'm thankful every day for his ability to move forward and not focus on the negative that was handed him.

Me on the other hand?  Well, I think God meant we should forgive unless it has something to do with our children.  If someone intentionally hurts your kids, I don't think you have to forget about it.  If someone wants to be mean to me, that's fine... but NOT my kids.  I think God put me on this earth to protect them to the day I die, which I will.  So I think I will go ahead and hate him (and stick pins in his doll) and NOT forgive him for all of his atrocities.  And the list is  L O N G  my friends.

 I suppose I shouldn't waste anytime thinking about these things.  The reality is that my ex doesn't care about my son.  And he never has.  But I am so disappointed in that.  At one point he was in love with his only son.. at least I think he was.  Somewhere between gathering three more wives, how ever many stepkids and loving his Jack Daniels more than any of it, he lost his priority of loving and protecting his own son.  But of course, it's completely my fault.  It couldn't possibly be his.

I have a couple of people in my life that walk through their journey blaming everyone around them for their "misfortunes" and I just don't get it.  Every decision has a consequence.  Like it or not.  And we all make mistakes of which we must bear the consequences.  But for many, it is just easier to blame others and not be accountable for their own actions.  A pathetic cop out if you ask me.  My ex is the KING of this action (and has the perfect Queen to accompany it, as she is a blamer as well).  They do typically walk this earth together, blamers.  I guess everyone deserves someone to commiserate.

So we will have our celebration!  Those friends and family that love and care for my son will be there and will love him through his send off.  They will hug our daughter and love and support her in her new journey.  They will kiss nugget on his chubby cheeks and smile when he hugs his daddy's neck.  Sweet, unconditional love.  Not obligated, not forced and CERTAINLY not mean or vindictive.  It will be a great event!

I feel much better now that's off my chest.  Now... on to the final planning!  I can't believe he is leaving in just 4 short months!  The time for him to board that plane will be here in no time.  Thank god we've got frequent flier tickets!

Happy hump day, friends!

Jen

A Sailor's Momma

It's starting to catch up with me that Bubba is leaving in 4 months.  I'm so excited for his journey and couldn't be more proud.  That being said, I'm filled with uncertainty.  What momma isn't when their child takes on a new adventure?

I know in my heart this is absolutely the very most perfect path for my son.  He has always been resourceful.  By age 4, my buddy had figured out that if he wanted to take a toy with him while riding his big wheel all he needed to do was tie it to the back of his bike with a rope and drag it.  Now I don't know everything there is to know about proper knots, but suffice it to say they were impossible for this mom to untie!

By 7, he was a typical boy waging wars with the neighbor kids.  He played sports of course but his outside time was usually strategic and not just tag.  

I've mentioned before that one of the most influential men in his life other than hubs happened to be this crazy, loud redheaded football coach that just HAD to be an ex-Marine (although I don't know that for certain).  He was a YELLER.  Motivated the boys by optimistically barking orders.  Bubba thrived - he loved that environment.  I can't figure out why they didn't translate at home when I yelled at him :). 

To top it off, my son is filled with a strong moral code.  Not necessarily a religious one, although that is engrained fairly heavily due to 3 years of confirmation and 4 years of Lutheran high school.  He has an amazing sense of what is right and what is wrong.  He expects everyone to behave appropriately and is often frustrated when someone oversteps those boundaries.  Pretty black and white.  Now THAT he gets from me.  I have always been a yes or no type of girl, not a maybe.  

The structure of the military and the strong moral and ethical code is going to be a perfect fit for him.  Physically, he is a ROCK.  He will thrive by strong leaders that expect more from him.  It is a perfect path for him.

The rest of us?  Well... that may be where I get a bit anxious.  For me personally, it's not the physical demands on my son that I am concerned about.  It certainly isn't the world conditions that are concerning at this moment.  It's his departure.

When your kiddo gains age, parents mentally and emotionally prepare for the day that they are going to send them off to college.  They may go somewhere close or they may go far away.  Either way, there will be a separation to contend with but they have so many conversation outlets:  telephone, email, text, skype, facebook, twitter.  If they want, they can talk to their kids everyday by some medium.  And a lot of my friends do just that.

Not me.  I won't be able to do that.  There it is ~ that's the clencher.  When he leaves, I won't be able to talk to him.  Sure at first it's only a couple of months but upon completion of those two months, he has apprentice school and then gets stationed.  Not in Missouri.

Bub has been married almost 4 years now.  He hasn't lived at home for longer than that.  But I can always pick up the phone and so can he.  We still talk almost every day.  My heart feels a bit heavy this morning thinking I won't be able to do that whenever I want.

And this doesn't even address my daughter and grandson.  I can't even blog about that just yet.

I know this... I will need my friends and family to help me stay focused on this awesome opportunity and encourage me with positive words, especially on days when I'm down.  I'm sure June will be a heavy month for all of us.  I am in the midst of planning his going away party with my daughter and although it's going to be a blast, I can't help but think I will tear up all night long (which I do NOT want to do).  I will try to move my emotions and give him all the love and support a momma should give their kiddos.  

I just need to stay focused and remember the long-term rewards of his decision.  There are so many!!!

Have a great Monday, friends!
Jen

Up in the Clouds

I love moments with my momma.  When you lose someone really close to you, those moments become the most treasured part of your memories.  Of course since she's my momma I have a zillion of them.

This morning as I poured my coffee and reached for the milk, I could hear her tell Bubba "don't forget to put clouds in my coffee!"  She was a big coffee drinker (or milk drinker with coffee in it, really) and Bubba loved to go refill her cup when it was empty when he was a kid.

She loved children.  She lived her entire life for others, which I can't say about to many people I know either past or present.  She ran a daycare in her home and worked I bet a total of 4 years for FREE.  A lot of single mom's with either no dads or deadbeats, if they came to pick up their kiddos on Friday and couldn't pay the bill she kissed them and told them to have a good weekend.  Unbelievable.  That would never happen anywhere else.

She was selfless.  Give you the shirt off her back kind of selfless.

A lot of people took advantage of my mom.  As a teen I would get so mad ~ so much so I would yell at her and say mean things like "why can't you stick up for yourself?  why would you let someone walk on you?"  I thought at the time she needed to be "modernized" - women had a lot of control and power in the world and I wanted her to see that just because she was raised in the 50's didn't mean she had to be a doormat.

Ah, what I didn't know then.  Young minds.

She lived a very intentional life.  No, I don't mean she choose to have a disabled daughter or to be divorced... but her everyday actions were filled with good intentions.  Sure, she made a lot of mistakes.  That's the beauty of being human.  But she did a lot of good things, too.

I wish my mom were here to see my family... most importantly, I wish she could have met my sassy daughter.  She would have LOVED her to the core.  Sometimes, in a lot of ways, I see my momma in my daughter.  Funny, sassy, opinionated.  A great mother.  I'm in awe all the time about what an amazing mother my daughter is to my grandson.  She certainly doesn't have a lack of animal instincts ~ she would fight to the death for that boy.  And not just his physical being - his emotional soul.  She wants him to truly be happy and puts him first every single day.  But the ease in which she protects him as if she were born to do so just amazes me.  And it's not just my grandson - she protects and loves my son more than I could have ever hoped and prayed.  She loves him to his core - flaws and all - and will fight to the death to protect him as well.

I'm a lucky woman.  I don't consider myself half of the momma that my mother was to me but I know that my children love me to the core.  I don't fight with my children.  I don't yell at my children.  I don't call them names, belittle or manipulate them.  I just love them - and they love me.

Off to put more clouds in my coffee.

Nina, Nana, Banana, Fantastic!

One of my friends commented on Facebook this weekend how much fun it was to receive packages she ordered in the mail for other people.  Even though she was giving, it was just like Christmas to her to receive the packages on her doorstep.  I couldn't agree more!

A couple of days ago I received a package for my grandson on my doorstep.  You would have thought I won the lottery ~ I was jumping up and down with joy!  It's a gift that both of my boys had a child and loved so I hope he finds as much enjoyment out of it as they did.  Then, all of a sudden, I started to tear up.  Ah, the joys of grandparenting.

I love my grandson.  Wait, maybe I wasn't clear on this.  I LOVE my grandson!  He is every s word that I use to describe people that I like ~ sassy, saucy, spicy ~ all wrapped up into the most adorable, loving, sweet, chubby little body.  At least he is consistent, I'm pretty sure my daughter would say he was that way in utero.

My daughter had a very traumatic labor and delivery.  It most certainly defined how fragile life can be (and how strong the power of prayer can be).  It was in that moment that I saw my son as grown man, vulnerable and scared, strong in his faith and unwavering in his love for his wife.  Sometimes from unfortunate circumstances you can really see the true character in people.

But through it all, E was perfect.  It's as though God put a bubble around him during the events and placed his hands on the doctors hands to get him through safely.  And they did :).

When I first met him, I fell in love.  I couldn't believe how full my heart felt ~ I stood in the nursery with my chest pounding with excitement.  My daughter wasn't able to see her son for a very long time after he was born so her mother and I took a thousand pictures of his every single movement to record them in time for her.  We were able to work together to give him his first bath, a moment I will never, ever forget.  Pure love.

Afterwards during a quiet moment with my son, I told him how much I loved our new buddy.  I mean REALLY loved him.  I even thought I loved him more than I did my son.  (Joke!  Okay, sort of...)  But it's true what everyone says ~ being a grandparent is so incredibly rewarding.  I get to love him, spoil him, cuddle him, give him everything he wants... then send him home.  I don't have any pressure to make sure he gets good grades in school, or is nice to his friend on the playground or cleans his room.  I just get to love him.  Unconditionally. 

I cannot wait to participate in his life.  We don't know where the kids will be next Christmas, but suffice it to say we will be with them one way or another.  Maybe our Christmas will be in Florida next year?  Little guy does want to know how to build a sand snowman...

It's Official!

I've been anxiously awaiting disclosing some news in our family until all of the pieces were finalized so now... IT'S OFFICIAL!

Bubba, my oldest, has enlisted in the United States Navy.  Whew.  Just typing that makes my heart race.  It's such a huge deal.

He isn't the first in the family to consider this action.  He comes from a long line of Navy servicemen:  my grandfather, my dad and both of my brothers precede him.  None of my family members made it their career; however my oldest sib probably would have.  Another blog.

Hindsight always being 20/20, this has probably been a logical choice for Bubba for as long as I can remember.  When he was a young boy, the most influential person (other than Hubs) to him was a man we met his 5th grade year of Pop Warner football.  Oooh, I DISLIKED that man very, very much.  He was a "screamer".  Borderline degrading, he spent a lot of time picking on the kids (mom's perception).  He was constantly in the earhole of their helmets telling them to get off their a$$es and work harder!  I did not like it ~ how could you yell at 11 year olds like that?  His own son was afraid of him!

But to Bubba, he was the best coach he ever had (and he had A LOT... very athletic).  He really responded well to that drive and determination.  He would even laugh when coach got a little mouthy... wasn't intimidated at ALL by this man.  See, I should have known then what I know now. 

Obviously, with Bubba married with little nugget it makes this journey a little more complicated than had he gone right when he graduated.  But he had his own difficult things to learn first.  He had worked for years to get the attention of his bio dad, making choices and decisions he thought would make him proud.  In the end, he learned some relationships are just not meant to be and once he understood that he freed himself to become the man he was destined to become.

I am overwhelmed with pride, excitement, happiness and gratitude to my son for taking this important step.  I am also nervous, anxious, scared and intimidated about the journey.  And of course, I love my perfect daughter and little nugget and want them to be happy, adjusted and content as well.

It will be an amazing few years for our family.  He won't be leaving right away for bootcamp so we have some time to adjust to it all.  The USN works very diligently with married recruits to help accommodate the family (at least thus far).  That is so critical to all of us.

Onward, Future Sailor Cunningham!  I love you so incredibly much!!