Non-Mundane Monday

Ah, Mondays.  My friends typically get bummed out by around 6 pm Sunday night, knowing Monday is coming.  I'm such a planner that I love Sunday evenings, hence don't mind Monday's that much ~ the ritual of finishing up work clothes laundry, signing little guy's school paperwork, re-writing the weekly schedule on the fridge, setting up the coffee pot to brew at 6 am, etc.  It's like a do-over for the week before, so I get a chance to do this week better than the last one.

This Monday is a bit different though.  I feel a surge of panic, indecision, inconsistency.  A lot of major decisions will be made this week and I'm nervous.  If you know me at all, you know that change is exhilarating for me.  I thrive on it.  I am usually pretty "go with the flow".  I don't feel so flowy today, however.  The future is a bit unclear for a family member of mine but the decisions made this week will most definitely impact me in a big way.

So I'm a bit on the fence today.  One of the most difficult things in the world I think is to be an objective, supportive, unconditionally loving person to those that you love even when you find yourself confused, uncertain and scared.  It's the biggest feat we are given as parents as well ~ raise them to the best of your abilities and then love them throughout all of their life journey, no matter what.

I'm praying for strength today, to be courageous and put my own feelings aside.  Something a mother is accustomed to doing but nonetheless, uncomfortable (especially for a fairly assertive girl like me).

Thank god I have the support of my hubs ~ I wouldn't make it through most of my journeys without him and he allows me to be crazy, confused and scared even when he thinks I'm nuts.  Everyone needs someone who's GOT YOUR BACK!

Morning Bliss

Any of my mom friends reading today will totally relate to my morning bliss...  aka, FIRST ONE UP!  I absolutely love Sunday mornings.  I'm always the first one up and we typically don't have anything to do right away (yes, I'm aware... Pastor Schwartz would be not so happy to read this).  I make my coffee, clean up Saturday night dishes that didn't fit in the dishwasher and snuggle down in my chair with a blankey thinking about the upcoming week.  Nope, I don't dread it ~ I try to envision all my opportunities, ask God for guidance in my decisions (which I ask for A LOT) and identify things I'm grateful for. 

Today, my gratefulness overflows.  The hubs and I worked our tails off in the house yesterday, mainly because of a cranky washing machine.  So as I sit and enjoy my coffee this morning, I am reminded how grateful I am that we have a home to work our tails off in, that we have stuff we have to clean and that we have bodies that allow us to do physical work.  The little things...

I hope all my mom friends are having a quiet cup of coffee this morning.  Maybe just 1/2 a cup, but I hope you get a moment to reflect before the decent begins, the kids are hungry, the hubs is up and your daily wonderful chaos begins.  Be grateful you have chaos!

Belly Laugh

Keeping in trend with my new education of self, I was reminded last week of how crucial it is that we try to have at least one moment each day to laugh.  I don't mean chuckle, smile or sort of half laugh politely ~ I mean thrown hands in the air, hysterical laughter that makes your belly shake and your eyes tear (or completely sob, whichever the case). 

I got that moment this morning, and it was so totally out of the blue and silly but I couldn't help myself.  I was on the phone with the BFF and we were having our normal daily banter (yep, I talk to the BFF every single day of my life (or try very hard to) and have since we were about 18!).  We have almost the same discussion every morning:  what's up with your kids, what's up with mine, what drama did you encounter last night, how are we gonna pay our bills, love our kids (that's usually the main topic) even though they drive us nutty... same ole same ole.

As we were running over last night's events and today's agenda, we both spilled that we must go to the store.  There is no food in the house.  We are out of the "necessities".  In short:  she needed toilet paper.  Okay, why is that funny?  Well, at least once a week, she buys toilet paper.  WAY more than the average bear (no pun intended, Charmin).  She lives in a house with 3 girls and 1 guy, hence the over-usage.  I, conversely, live in a house with 2 guys and 1 girl, so it seems to last me FOREVER.  I know, way TMI.

So she has come up with a plan.  She has thrown down the gauntlet in her house and achieved her Queen status:  NO MORE THAN 2 SQUARES PER VISIT.  I died laughing... rolling off the couch laughing.  Pee my pants kind of laughing.  Seriously, this will work?  I say.  Yes, it will work.  I mean it!  I laugh even harder.  God I love that woman ~ I have NO idea what I would do if I didn't have her in my daily life!

Try to take time to get in a belly laugh today.  My entire day was reshaped the minute I let that out!

Seriously?!

I am ever amazed with how something can come out of my mouth one way and be interpreted another.  Sometimes I wish I could record myself and play it back, listening to my inflection and tone.  In my brain I hear things a certain way but it seems I am often not able to communicate my point.

I blame it on being the baby of the family (BTW, I blame most things on this beautiful familial position).  As the baby, one has to shout to be heard, must assert thoughts and feelings into a full home with the smallest voice.  As a kiddo, I not only shared my house with my brothers and sister, I also shared it with about 15 other kids on average ~ my mom ran an in-home daycare.  From 5 am to 7 pm, the house was always filled with babies, toddlers and school age kids shouting, screaming and playing.  If I wanted my mom's attention (which was ALWAYS), I had to be bossy, sassy, loud and overall a pain in the ass.  Yep, sounds like a few "babies of the family" I know now!  So if you have multiple kids and find that the baby of the family is a bit tedious and exhaustive - cut them some slack.  They just want to be heard, be special and have their own representative voice in the house.  I'm sure you already know they are always right, so just acknowledge them and move on.  They just want a little bit of extra attention!

New age, new perspective

So it dawned on me after attending a conference with the BFF last week on Women's Health that I still have a TON of work to do.  I have been reading other's blogs lately and definitely think I need to brush up on mine and reinvent it a bit.  Sure, I still love to run.  I just don't want to talk about it anymore.  I think training for two marathons in the same year have caused a bit of burn out.  So I'll put that on the back burner... it's time to focus on other stuff!

Back to the conference - we learned so many things about women that day.  We don't know how to relax.  We don't know how to maintain our weight.  We don't know how to prioritize our time.  We don't know how to take good care of our bodies.  Basically, we suck at seeing OURSELVES. 

But wait!  We aren't supposed to focus on ourselves, right?  ESPECIALLY if we are moms (and wives) - it's an unwritten rule.  SACRIFICE.  Sacrifice your body, sacrifice your dreams, sacrifice your money, sacrifice your time.  That's what we are required to do, isn't it? 

I'm saying NO MORE.  No, I'm not running away from my family and living on a beach (although that might be fun?)  But it's time to figure out how to include MYSELF in this equation.  I really started the transformation last year on my birthday, realizing it was the last year in my 30's.  I exercised more, ate better, tried to strengthen my friendships ~ still I feel a bit lost.

But as I'm quickly approaching 40, it's becoming even more clear to me.  If I don't do it now and I wait it out (as most of my friends plan to do), what will become of me by the time I'm ready?  What will I have let my body look like, what will my soul have become, what interests will I have if I don't focus on the development of me?

So as I approach the new age, I'm going to try a new perspective. I'm going to take time to blog as often as I can through my journey. Be prepared - some days may just be me being confused or frustrated.. but hey, it wouldn't be a journey without that!  So here goes, over the fire!

Almost there!

It's hard to believe that I am entering into my 12th week of training for my first 1/2 marathon!  As I look back at the beginning of this journey, there was a piece of me that thought I would never be able to finish this.  How nuts do you have to be to run 13 miles?  Who does that just for fun? 

I think one of the best things I have learned through this process is that many people run - people I know, people I spend time with, people I would have never suspected run a mile in their lives.  Runners come in all shapes, sizes and ages.  All it takes is a will - a desire to start something and then finish it.  You don't have to run a race to be a runner.  And no - "jogging" is not the same thing as RUNNING.  A Sunday fast stroll once a year does not constitute a runner.  A runner has determination.  When the weather is cold, when you don't feel your best, when your joints and muscles ache... you still run your miles.

At the beginning of this journey, a friend recommended I log my miles from my training program.  I'm SO glad I did it - my reward chart on the refrigerator was a daily reminder of both my daily goals as well as the big picture.  To date, I have run 135.5 miles.  I will accomplish 145 by my run next Sunday - which will put me a grand total of 158.1 miles in 12 weeks.  My shoes are tired (as are my FEET).  Running mags say you should replace your shoes at every 400 miles.  I wonder if I can trade in my tired toes for new ones as well?

That is my biggest curse... I run on my toes.  Sure, my calves look great - but the "balls" of my feet hate it.  I have callouses on top of callouses.  I don't even think the pedicure place will see me at this point.  It's going to take some serious work this winter to help them recover.  I didn't even know you could get a blister on top of a callous - but I have accomplished that as well.  Sometimes my toes fall asleep while I'm sitting.  My calves pulse randomly.  My right hip flexor reminds me every day that I'm not 21 anymore.

But still - I am so thankful.  I literally thank god every single time I run.  I can't believe I have been blessed with a body that can run, let alone walk.  I spent the first 39 years of my life taking for granted what my body can do.

So next week is it - the big run.  My last year in my 30's.  A HUGE thanks goes out to all of my friends that spent tireless hours talking to me about running, my pains, my desire to quit, what clothes work best, what hydration system to buy... only runners can appreciate these topics but to all others who don't run and listened anyway, thanks for being there for ME.  I have the BEST of friends and family!

Off to log 5 miles in the 40 degree cold morning weather...

We're TRAINING!

The 12 week journey has begun!  I'm on the countdown to the Gobbler Grind 1/2 marathon in November and I'm totally pumped.  This week was easy - total of 11 miles.  Not to shabby for a grandma! 

On day three this week I was striding along on a nice 2 mile run and only about a half mile from home when I tried to run up a curb and totally slid on the side of my foot.  For a brief moment I had a glimpse of an injury that wouldn't allow me to run.  That would be absolutely devastating given the work I have put in this last year!

At Eli's baptism this weekend I had an opportunity to talk to my prior sister-in-law (sounds SO much better than saying "ex".  She had just completed a triathalon and had a blast.  She encouraged me to go to the site and check it out - the next one is a women's only event and would be perfect for a first timer.  Really?  I have never run that far - I think it's a tad bit out of my league.  But who knows - maybe instead of the full marathon for my big 4-0 next year I'll just do the triathalon instead?  Can you say midlife crisis?  At least it's a healthy one!  Until next weekend....