In the Moment

It's been a rough few weeks at the Davis household.  It seems as though life has collided a bit on us which certainly happens from time to time.

As I sit back and reflect, it's not surprising to me that I have fallen into familiar coping mechanisms.  I think about this a lot, actually.  Not as a "blaming technique" but more as an understanding of how I react.

I often hear the quote "it isn't what happens to us, it's how we react to it" as if we consciously choose our reactions.  Sure, we can temper ourselves.  But when fight or flight reactions start to begin, we revert back to learned coping mechanisms which are created early and are quite concrete within us.

I wonder how we would change that as adults.   If we need to that is.

I listened to little guy watching television in his room the other night and couldn't help but envy him a bit.  He was laughing hysterically at what I'm sure was some totally inappropriate late night adult swim cartoon.  He was totally and completely in that moment.  Not thinking about the next day and what he would need to accomplish.  Not worried about next month and the money he would need to save up to buy something important.  Not thinking about his final year of elementary school and next transition to middle school.

Nope.  None of that.  Just totally in the moment.

I rarely live in the moment anymore.  And it really, really bothers me that I don't.

I've tried to change it, be spontaneous, leave time unplanned.  But when I do I find myself worrying and feeling guilty that I'm "wasting time".

How did I come to be this way?  Is every adult designed this way or is it just my neurosis? 

I'm pretty sure whatever the answers that it is the backbone to my future choices.  As technology becomes more advanced, I find I want to run away from it and hide.  I don't want to be on call 24/7.  I don't want to be "available".

I want to go off the grid, live quietly and simply and enjoy every moment before the inevitable termination of life happens.  This will work.

James Gandolfini died Thursday at the age of 51.  Sudden heart attack.  Didn't see it coming, apparently.  As I listened to the news Friday morning, I leaned over to hubs and murmured "that's the way I wanna go".  He stared at me, I'm sure thinking I was nuts.  But it's the truth.  Fast with no prolonged sadness.

But when I do, I want to be able to know that I spent my life living and not worrying.  Enjoying moments and not dwelling on anything.  Laughing, dancing and singing spontaneously.

I feel a kitchen dance party coming on.  I so wish Sassy was here to dance with me.

Once again...

Have a great Saturday, friends.  Try to find the spontaneous moment today!
Jen