Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Open Letter to my Second Daughter

Dear Future Mrs. Little Guy,

I haven't met you yet but feel it is my responsibility to inform you what you're in for when you select my son as your partner.  The biggest advice I can give you to a successful marriage is to accept the fact that you will never, ever change my son (although you may definitely influence him).  He is exactly as he is and unless he decides to make conscience changes to himself in the future you are going to get what you get.  This letter is my attempt to prepare you as best I can because I'm that kind of mom (plus I don't ever want you to say I didn't warn you).

The obvious - when you marry him, you get US.  We are a tight knit family that would die for one another if need be (let's just not get that far, shall we?)  We are disturbingly loyal to one another and once you join us, we will forever protect you.  It's kinda like a cult.  Just ask my first daughter.

Speaking of, you need to be prepared to be EXCELLENT friends with my first daughter.  She is a lot like me - strong, independent, opinionated and a bit stubborn.  But once in her graces, you will be forever as long as you accept the above.  If you are a drama queen, you will not fit into our fam.  Fair warning.  We don't accept that crap.

Little guy is quirky.  That's the best definition I can give you at the moment.  You'll figure that out quickly (and it will most likely be what you love about him most).  Just remember he is both the baby of the fam and a Libra, hence a little self serving.

You will need to be spontaneous.  Little guy desires constant structure and is a serious planner so you will need to throw out spur of the moment life events to balance that out.  Otherwise, your life could get a bit routine and therefore boring.

I am forecasting that you are a bit free spirited.  You will love that he is fun and easy going but just know that he is extremely driven.  He cannot be pulled off goal and the majority of his life is already planned (at 11).  Jumping in the car and moving to Phoenix spur of the moment won't occur with him.  If you really love him and want to be with him you must know that he has priorities that most likely won't derail. 

Probably one of the most important hints:  you MUST be independent and have your own life goals separate from him.  He will not stop his education or career for you no matter how much he loves you.  He will expect you to do the same for yourself.  In the end, however, he will be an excellent provider for you and your future children.

Don't be surprised if he wants to wait a L O N G time to have children.  And don't be surprised if he only wants one or struggles to come to the decision to have any.  Again, I can't tell you enough how independent he is... aka a bit selfish.  Sorry, it's the truth.

Underneath all of his drive and determination, he is vulnerable and sensitive.  His greatest desire is to not disappoint.  You will see him at his weakest if he feels he failed you in some way.  Be careful with your words during these times (which of course you will experience). 

He is  S L O W.  Oh man, is he ever slow.  The good news for you is that if you let him he will guide you to enjoy every single minute of life.  The bad news?  If you are anxious or easily excitable this is going to be the single thing that drives you completely NUTS.  He takes time to process everything - conversations, events, decisions - everything.  He can do it - he just takes forever to get there.  You must be patient and not rush him or he will be frustrated with you.

He is not a morning person.  Period.  He has to get up at least an hour (if not more) before he has to leave the house (and this is assuming his items needed for the day (including clothes) are already chosen.  Again, see above.  S L O W.

We will be at every life event you have together (whether you want us there or not).  And when you have kids, we'll be there too.  Our family is our life and we cherish involvement.

Although we are territorial, I think we share well.  We will blend in with your family and try not to embarrass you to much.  But we probably will a little bit.  Sorry about that, in advance.

You will have the utmost loyalty and trust from my son.  Please don't ruin that - it's one of the things I love about him.  He comes by it honestly.

Your father in law is quiet.  He isn't shy and he doesn't dislike you.  He just takes time to warm up.  Tell an off color joke - that will get him loosened up.  The more real you are the more he will like you.  And don't talk to much about your hair, clothes or nails.  Oh, and if you like to hunt or fish (or have ever been hunting or fishing), he will love you immediately.  If all else fails, wear camo to our house. 

If you play your cards right, I'll probably like you way more than I like my son.  It's a good union, just ask my first daughter. 

My son has a very long fuse.  I hope you don't test it to often.  When he blows, it's a bit brutal.  He learned it from his Dad.  The good news is he recovers very, very quickly and is back to normal before you have even figured out what happened.  If you are a grudge holder this may be a bit difficult for you.  He will have moved on and forgotten all about it while you may be holding onto it.  My advice since I live it?  Learn to LET GO.  It will benefit you well to do so.

And lastly.... by saying "I do" it means more than just matching plates and hand towels.  We take this seriously.  The D word is not allowed in our family unless you are talking about other people.  We require serious sticktoitiveness... meaning you can't give up.  Times will be hard.  REALLY hard.  Sometimes you will be unhappy.  Sometimes you will be frustrated.  Sometimes you may feel lonely.  Running away is definitely the easy solution.  We encourage you to be different than your friends and family, if applicable.  To be stronger.  To not run away.  To stick in it, push through it and enjoy the sunshine on the other end.  No worries, the sun always comes back up.  We will help you find that sunshine.  And after you celebrate 50 years together, you will have figured out what very few people know:  life is much more satisfying with a true partner to share it with.  Oh, and love is kinda an added bonus.

After all of this admittance if you still want to join us we would love to have you.  We promise to never intentionally hurt you.  If we ever do hurt you, we expect your honesty so we can be forgiven.  And above all, we promise to love you unconditionally because our son will.

But I do sincerely apologize that you won't be able to get him out of bed.  Ever.  Good luck with that.

Momma D

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