Gettin' it all Down

I opened my eyes slowly.  The sun was high in the sky and its warmth had already flooded my bedroom.  As As I rolled over I braced myself for the inevitable muscle ache that would undoubtedly pierce my body as I turned.  It's my new normal.  Each year I decide to train for a distance run I experience the multiple aches and pains that accompany an extended running schedule.

I felt an immediate need to write.  No topic in my brain.  No point I felt I had to make.  Just a yearning that I feel often but can rarely describe.  It's as if my fingers ache to hit the keys.

I used to spend hours filling loose notebook paper with my thoughts.  Scattered letters, poems and stories are stuck inside books, folders and boxes in my house.  They would make sense to no one but me.  I can't throw them away.  If disposed, some piece of my relevance on this earth would disappear forever.

I want to say thank you to all of you that read my blog.  Many of you are religious, opening every single post I write and commenting frequently with your opinions.  Most of you are silent readers, jumping in and out of my blog on occasion to catch up with my many ramblings.  And a small few of you actually anticipate my posts, looking forward to my rants as if to grab some small piece of sanity in my insane rants.  Whichever you are, I appreciate you.  I am inspired by you.  Your encouraging words and sometimes conflicting opinions help me see both sides of the complex coin of life.  They help me question my ingrained thoughts and grow in a way I wouldn't if I were closed off from others.

I have never written a single post for acceptance.  I don't reach out for approval from the folks that read my words.  That being said - I absolutely love when people approach me and comment on my writing.  Some posts have actually given advice inadvertently to friends struggling.  I strive to tell my truths, my vulnerabilities and my sometimes shocking successes.  I leave my footprint solely as a depository of my life events, my solutions and my failures.  A card catalog of the stages of my growth and setbacks.  A memory, if you will.

I wish I could have done it sooner.  I wish I could reach back now and see the words of that 14 year old who was scared, confused and often misdirected.  I would better understand my approaches to solutions now if I could feel what she felt back then.

Social media is flooded with teens and preteens spilling their guts to the world.  They typically sound crazy - unorganized emotions, priority conflicted and overall hot messes.  Totally normal to live in a fishbowl, right?  I want to reach out to them, tell them not to post stuff that makes them look nuts.  Then again.... I would give anything to peek back into myself back then.  Geesh, that girl needed some guidance.

So giant shout out to you peeps that muddle through my rambles.  As life continues to get busier for me I'm hoping to actually write more.  Clarity is ever needed at the height of a full schedule.  And clarity for me is achieved one of two ways:  writing and running.  Speaking of it's time to lace up.

Happy Saturday, friends!

Jen