Monday, February 04, 2013

You Know WHAT About Me?

Monday following Super Bowl?  Most called in sick day of the year, behind Mardi Gras.  Or St. Pats.  Or 4th of July.  Oh, what do I know.
Here's what I do know.  Between purging and working on the house, basketball tournaments and everyday life, I am behind on my blog.  Ugh.  I hate that.  It really is that important to me, although I'm sure most people just don't understand that.
I have so many discussions about my blog but I have definitely learned one important thing about myself since I've started:  I really am shy at heart.  Okay, go ahead and laugh haters - but I swear I am.  I'm not nearly as confident as I guess the world sees me, which I think is quite interesting.  I wonder what it is about myself that makes people think I am?  These are the questions that run through my mind as I lay down at night trying to slow my mind to sleep.
And why do I care?  Well, come on folks... we ALL care about what others in the world think of us.  Maybe not what EVERYONE thinks, but I'm sure everyone has someone that they care about. 
Recently in casual conversation with a friend she mentioned something she had read in my blog.  I really like this gal but don't know her very well (we have mutual connections).  I didn't realize she read my blog but not at all surprised since I link it to facebook (again, mutual connections).  I immediately felt insecure when she discussed something I wrote, like it was private or something.  She discussed it so easily as if she had been my closest friend on the planet. 
And there you have it.
I write this blog for me.  For my kids (although Bubba HATES it, someday he will forgive me).  It's my memories, my journey through life, my diary of sorts.  It's me.... good, bad and all in between.
Most of the time, I totally forget that anyone in the world reads this.  I just type away, let the words flow and completely ignore the fact any human would see it.  I like it that way.  It keeps me honest to my experiences.  If I worried all the time about what someone else would think I would censor myself, making this experience invalid.  When I'm gone from this world, I want those I care about to be able to come back and know ME.  Who I really am, not what I showed the world.
I don't have many friends that blog in my personal circle.  Although the web of course is inundated with millions of bloggers.  It's giant in case you haven't looked around.  Mostly moms like myself, just trying to capture their life journey, hobbies or products.  Many people have their entire career based on the web's arsenal. 
But in the end, it was endearing conversation.  She was relating to me and an experience.  She made a connection with me.

So I will continue to write until my fingers won't type the letters anymore.  I will share my life journey here whether others will relate or not.  And I'll stop being so insecure about my words.
Or maybe not.  No, I'm sure I won't.  I just have to remember they aren't secrets once I put them down.

Have a great Monday, friends!


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