Thursday, January 17, 2013

But Who's Counting?

I'm almost there.  I'm almost there.

Last night I while picking up some daily essentials I stopped in the middle of an aisle in Target.  An end cap had caught my eye filled with colorful Valentine's Day merchandise.  An ache filled my heart quickly.

I miss my kids.

I say it all the time.  Every time anyone asks me "How are the kids doing?" I tear up and say the same words.  "They are doing great.. I'm happy for them.  I just miss them."

Yep, all about me still.

To cheer myself, I ran to the V day stuff.  I grabbed up trinkets left and right for my buddy.  My excitement rose as I started doing the math in my head.... 23 days.  23 more days and I will be with the kids.  I can wait 23 more days, surely.  But the real truth is that it will have been 81 days since I saw them last.


That is totally unacceptable.  I must work harder on this.  A lot has happened in the last 81 days... for us and for them.  I talk to the kids still almost every day if not every day and now with the miraculous purchase of the PS3 little guy is talking to Bubba at least once a week, one on one (which I love).  Hubs spent over an hour chatting him up this week.  But still, it's just not enough.  The ache my arms feel from not being able to hug them is indescribable at times.  Especially when we need one another.

I phoned Sassy last night with much excitement to tell her of my findings for nugget.  She answered the telephone groggily.. "um, hello?"  In an instant I knew she was sick.

Sick.  In California.  Far away.  I can't take her soup. I can't take E to the park so she can rest.  I can't get her a warm, soft blankie to snuggle with and watch bad 80's movies while making her tea.  I can't do anything.

And, the ache is back.

It's this little stuff that hurts that most.  Nugget is potty training and she sends me tons of pics (which I completely and utterly love).  I wish I could put reward stars on his chart, cheer him on and give him high fives for his success.

In 23 days, I will.  I will attempt to shower all three of them with all the love and emotion I can conjure.  I will hug them a thousand times in four days.  They will be sick of me and ready for me to leave.

One of my faves with nugget

But my soul bank will be full again until I see them again, which WON'T be in another 81 days this time.

Have a great Thursday, friends.


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