Come ON Already!

Ticket is bought.  Car is rented.  Take list is already started. 

And I still have 40 days to go.  FORTY.

Being 1,600 miles away from my west coast kids is killing me right now.  My daughter has started nesting and I find myself constantly shopping right along with her.  She's already threatened if we send her more girl clothes she's going to ship them back.

But it's so hard.  Have you seen baby girl clothes lately? 

Not Lentil's hiney....  or her name.

I find myself drifting off thinking of her sweet smell, her soft skin and her tiny cry.  I absolutely love babies.  They remind me what hope feels like.

But as excited as I am to finally meet her, I cannot wait for the few days alone with Nugget.  Snuggling on the couch.  Eating snacks we aren't supposed to have before dinner.  Getting ice cream again and again.  Playing tag in the house.  Making yummo's for momma for when she comes back home.

Ah, sweet heaven.

And I'm sure we will watch Cars, Toy Story, Finding Nemo, Wreck it Ralph and all other Disney movies a thousand times... in a row.  Because why wouldn't we?

Maybe even take an adventure ride since I'll have a car this time.  Who knows where we'll end up.

I have to admit though it will be a bit tough.  Instinctively I will want to sit and stay with Sassy telling her how beautiful our baby will undoubtedly be.  I will want to stroke her hair and tell her how beautiful she is.  I will want to sit with her, hold her hand and thank her for being the most amazing momma to my grandchildren.  It will be rough leaving her in the hands of the nurses.

Proof a momma's heart is never far away from their children.

40 days.  Forty.  I can do anything for forty days, including wait. 

Even though I am the most impatient woman on earth, obviously.

Have a great Tuesday!

Jen

We have officially dropped below 100 days on our countdown to the arrival of Little Lentil! 

This is one proud Naan.  And I'm sure Sassy is happy as well.  She has crossed over the half way point a few weeks ago and on the downward spiral to D-Day (delivery day).

As I flipped through photo albums this weekend looking for a specific picture, I stumbled upon one of Bubba when he was a little boy.  Had I not been in the picture with him I would have thought it was Nugget.  The similarity was STRIKING.  But most days when I look at pics of Nugget, I think he looks exactly like my beautiful daughter.  Just depends on how Sassy he's being at the moment.

So I sat quietly, closed my eyes and tried to picture our beautiful granddaughter.  Needless to say it was much harder than I thought.  I kept defaulting to a baby E, which seriously would be perfect.  He just so happened to be one of those babies that was beautiful as a boy or would have been as a girl!  But I'll let you decide...

I particularly loved his drool :).  His big eyes and chubby cheeks just melted my heart. 

They still do.  I'm pretty sure they always will.

I cannot wait to get my arms around this new little one.  Now that I've experienced being a Naan first hand I can't imagine anything better.  Seeing the grands with such a unique mixture of their mom and dad along with their own unique personalities is so much fun.

And personality we have in SPADES.

October can't get here fast enough.  Normally I want summer to CRAWL but not this time.  I need it to FLY!

Happy Monday, friends!
Jen

Whatta Man, whatta man, whatta man, whatta mighty good man....

fa·ther

  [fah-ther] 

noun

1.

a male parent.

2.

a father-in-law, stepfather, or adoptive father.

3.

any male ancestor, especially the founder of a race, family, or line; progenitor.

4.

a man who exercises paternal care over other persons; paternal protector or provider: a father to the poor.

5.

a person who has originated or established something: the father of modern psychology; the founding fathers.

If there is one thing that I have learned from Hubs in the over 20 years we've been together, it's this:  being a woman ain't that hard.

Yep girls, I said it.  Click close now if thy offend.

Since the birth age of the women's rights movement, we have blazoned our ways into society with fierce determination.  Women can do it ALL.  We can be that perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect professional, the perfect homemaker.... all we have to do is just do it.  All our options are available to us and we will be treated equally and fairly to men.

Amen!

Well, with all our push to become the superior race, women have unveiled what men have known for centuries.  You want it all, you got it.  And all that comes with it.

Wait.... what comes with it??  I just wanted to make a lot of money and run my house.  I have to take on extra stuff?

Oh yes ma'am you do.

What feminists and activists don't quite understand is the physiology of actually BEING a man.  Sure, we can learn how to mow and weed eat, pay bills, wear suits and pitch to CEO's.  But inherently there is one small thing we have missed in our plight to take over the world.  It might not be as easy as we thought.

Hubs and I married when Bubba was 3.  It was a seriously easy transition for the two of them, mostly because of their easy going natures.  I knew even when I first met Hubs that the two of them would blend together quite well as they seemed to naturally have a lot in common in their personalities and approaches to things.

Hubs and Bubba, circa 1994

What I didn't know then and I do know now is that it takes a man to raise a boy.  Yes, girls with our "do it all by ourselves mantras", you CAN do it all.  But you CAN'T teach a boy to be a man unless you are a man.

Period.

Women instinctively nurture, particularly mothers.  It's our primary job responsibility if you looked at our duties on a job description.  To love and nurture.  Genetically we are designed to do so.

And fathers?  To love and PROTECT.

Women can be bad asses.  We can stick up for our boys verbally when someone is going to hurt them.  We can get a handgun and shoot an intruder (well, some women can).  We can make money and contribute to our families.

But men... they protect.  From the olden days of sitting on their porch with their shotguns, men protect their families.  They don't have to stick up for their boys because they raise them to stand on their own feet.  They guide them to become men who protect their families.  They raise their boys to understand what it means to fight for God, for our country, for their family.  They show them how to make ultimate sacrifices.

Something women would really struggle with, given our nurturing design.

Hey, I'm not saying a woman can't raise a boy without a man.  Sure she can.  What I'm saying is that a boy NEEDS a man - any man - to help him become a man.  To give him the road
map, show him what it means to love something so deeply that you would lay down your life for it.

And that, my friends, is what I have been given.  My husband's one true love is his family.  He would do anything to protect us, anything to keep us safe and ultimately would lay down his life for us if need be.  That is what he has taught my sons - to love and protect their families.

Little guy isn't there yet, but he knows.  He watches Hubs taking care of us.  He hears the words Hubs says to me (be careful today, babe...)  He knows how much Hubs honors Bubba for his service to our country, for becoming an amazing father and protector of his own loved ones.

Hubs and Little Guy, Fathers Day 2006

He taught our boys something I never could have on my own.  Now that my oldest is an adult with a family of his own, I get it.  I see the groundwork that he laid for him.  I get why he taught him what it meant to be true to your word, to live up to your obligations and to be a consistent rock for those that would come to rely on him.

Fathers have an amazing ability to teach their children without even trying very hard.  They show them in their actions, their consistency and their pride in their family.  They :lead their children by example.

I am blessed to have that man in my life, but the true blessing comes to the two men he has created.  And by the way... that didn't happen by accident.  My amazing father in law taught Hubs how to be a man.

Pop, Hubs, Little Guy, Bubba and Nugget, FD 2012.

Happy Fathers Day, friends.  Tell that special man in your life what it means to you to have them today.  Thank them, even if they didn't help you with the dishes today (or yesterday).  And hey, maybe cut them some slack if they forgot to take out the trash.  It happens to the best of us.

Jen

Here We Go Again

We're being pounded again by snow.  Ugh.  I wonder how many blog posts I have written about the weather?  Hmmm, research for another day.  Of course you know it's bad when they NAME the storm... Winter Storm Virgil.  Nice.  Thanks, Virgil.

Yeah, in case you were wondering... we are in the purple 8-12" area.  Awesome.

So it's Sunday morning and I'm up alone (well, besides the fur kids).  It's so quiet in the house you could hear a pin drop.  The only thing I can hear in the background is the gentle hum of my fireplace blower (best purchase EVER in my opinion).

I have my coffee to my left, my bills to my right, getting ready to scratch checks.  Okay, not really - pay online... but doesn't sound as cool.  It's almost the end of March and we haven't listed our house yet.

Blah.

Honestly I'm glad we weren't ready.  This winter and spring has just slammed us with more snow than we have had in decades.  I didn't want to manage the open houses with 12 inches of snow.  That just seems like no fun at all.  So we've been waiting.  Waiting for the right moment, waiting for a sign.  Contemplating where, when and how is sometimes a daunting task.

Our number one concern has been making sure our kiddo stays in his elementary school.  It will be his 6th and final year and we can't bear to move outside of the area and possibly not be awarded the coveted "transfer" that we would undoubtedly have to pray to get.  I hear our district can be quite stingy with these transfers and I can't imagine the look on little guy's face if we didn't get it and he lost his last year with his best friends.

Obvious choice?  Stay through enrollment, which is in July.  As soon as the paper is signed for school we could sell and move.  Just gotta have that "proof of residency" electric bill to push us into the safe zone.

What does that mean for me?  Well, more time to paint, repair and get ready, obviously.  But also one more quarter of these finances as well.  

We've waited this long, a few more months won't hurt.

The military signs 6 month leases for their members, specifically to prepare for deploys and reassignments.  With that comes a great opportunity for my kids to move around if desired, checking out different sides of the city and new communities.  The kids like their current home (as do I!) but have wanted to get a little bit closer to Bubba's ship now that they are entrenched in West Coast living and all it has to offer.  It's hard to believe it but their first 6 month lease is up (already!) so for kicks they put in for a transfer in housing to see what would come up.

It was in the cards... the kiddos were given a new place!  It's a LOT closer to the ship, in a thriving community with LOTS of families and has the amenities the kids want.  And a backyard.  A nice, big, fenced backyard!  Nugget is gonna FLIP out!  I see a jungle gym in his very near future... or basketball goal at the very least.

I'm so very happy for them I could cry.  They give me great hope that my move will also be coming shortly.  I just need patience (always) and faith (and patience).

Adding 'Book Flight to SD' to my to-do list is the perfect start to my quiet Sunday morning.  

By the way - the kids are actually HERE.  Right now, as I type.  For a girl that has no patience I have totally proved myself wrong this week and I'm quite proud of it.  They are spending time with Sassy's family for a week before coming to see us.  Yes, 15 minutes away from me and I haven't smothered them yet!  I am quietly, patiently awaiting my turn.  'Cause that's what parents do... they support their kids no matter what.

But I am dying over here.  I've packed this house with more food and snacks than it's ever had.  I bought all new bedding for Nugget hoping he'll feel comfy and want to stay here with us.  Hubs and I scoured the entire second floor yesterday in preparation for them.  I cannot WAIT to have them here - it will be the first time we have been together for this long since we went to the Lake on vacation a zillion moons ago.  Coffee with my son in the morning, long chats with Sassy while the boys play in the evening, snuggles with Nugget watching Lala.  

Oh, and Popsicles for breakfast, if he wants them.  He can have absolutely ANYTHING he wants.  'Cause that's what being a Nana is all about!

Happy Sunday, friends.  I hope if you are in the Midwest you are snuggled in your homes nice and warm and safe.  It's looks pretty nasty out there.  No worries, spring will actually come eventually.  It always does.

Jen

I Heart You...

It's almost here - heart holiday.  Love everywhere.  Kisses, ribbons and chocolate.  LOVE this holiday.  No pun intended.

I found some cute heart cookie cutters so I drug them out west with me last weekend to make cookies with the kids.  Nugget was totally into it - he helped me mix the dough, roll it out, cut out the cookies (eating some raw dough along the way.... why not?) and taste test them when they came out.  Fave part?  The sprinkles.  Who doesn't love sprinkles?  Even I love sprinkles!

Dumping nearly the entire bottle on two cookies, I watched him in awe.  He was so proud, so excited to be helping.  Repeating the colors out loud as he poured each one.  Reminding all of us that they were hearts, in case we forgot.

I was totally at ease.  Completely different than when I cook with little guy.  I'm usually up on the wheel, telling him what to do (and what not to do), trying to make everything perfect.  I'm not sure why I do that.  And I'm really not sure what makes it so different with nugget.

I've said before that there is just a special relationship a parent has with their grandchildren.  It's so hard to define but so different than being a parent.  There is a certain ease to it, a comfortability, a pure unconditional love.  It's awesome. 

I love the fact that I have a grandson with my own child still at home.  Nugget reminds me to chill out and not be so hard on my little guy.  Sure I have massive expectations of him still but I don't ALWAYS have to be riding him to do the right thing.  Maybe if I try to apply some of my uninterrupted attention to little guy as much as I do with E I could connect more with him.

Maybe we'll even bake cookies.  And I won't get on his case about doing something incorrectly.  Seemed to work perfectly with nugget.

Ah... motherhood.  Hardest thing EVER.  Golden parachute?  Grandkids.  Best reward of all.

Have a great Wednesday, friends! 
Jen

Of COURSE she's my sister!

Back to the Midwest.  Grey skies.  Cold weather.  And one happy, sleepy Nana.

I've returned safely from the West Coast only to find that everything I had left undone is still waiting for me.

Ugh.

Sometimes I wish I could wave a magic wand and have my life organized, tasks completed and nothing but time to plan my true desires.  Wake me up when that happens, please.

I had the best weekend.  I can't stop smiling (in between tears of missing the kids).  Nugget is getting so big and he is changing monumentally at this age.  He has such an amazing personality and of course he is brilliant.  I can already see both of the kids in his gestures, his words and his stubbornness. 

 

 

It must be said that there is nothing... and I mean NOTHING.... better than having your grandchild climb into your lap.  Hold your face.  Say "too" when you tell them you love them.  Wrap their little arms around your neck and squeeze.  Snuggle in to watch Lala. 

Nope.  Nothing.

I love that I am just as completely comfortable with Sassy as I am with Bubba.  Sometimes I blur the lines between which of them is mine.  Because they both are. 

We had the chance to steal some girl time this weekend.  We drove all over in search of fish tacos (shouldn't be hard in Cali, right?) to land at a Mexican restaurant (where we had fish tacos).  After four u-turns, we found a pedicure place.  As we sank into the big leather chairs, she smiled at me. 

She so deserved this.  She works so hard as a mother, a wife, a student, a friend and a daughter.  She is always looking out for others, especially my son.  The least we could do is get a pedicure.

Before the gals started to scrape off our junk, I mentioned to my lady that I was a runner.  All spa places understand that is code for "leave the callouses or I'll cut you".  Okay, I don't mean that really.
Well.... maybe a little bit.

So my lady complied and was gentle with me.  Sassy's?  She didn't get the memo.  I think she thought she was in a deer skinning contest.  This on the sweet girl's feet that never see concrete, are rarely barefoot even inside and in perfectly soft and smooth condition.

With perfectly manicured (and skinless) feet, we sat awaiting our polish of choice.  Sassy's lady looks over at me.

"Are you two sisters?"

God LOVE this woman.  I wanted to kiss her, even though she just skinned my sweet girl.  Then I wanted to say yes.  But I didn't.

"Nope.  Hardly!  I am her mother in law."

My lady pipes up:  "I thought you were best friends.  The way you talk to each other."

Yep, now that I get.  We don't look a thing alike.  I would have had to birth her at 15 for her to be my kid.  But we do tend to laugh and carry on like good friends would.

Because we are.

I tell hubs all the time that we are the luckiest people in the world to have our daughter in law.  She is fantastic.  I try to tell her that often but sometimes in my haste I forget.  She is by far the best thing that could have ever happened to my son.

Along with Nugget, of course.

The best part of new toes?  Nugget chasing us around the house, pointing at our toes.  PINK! (me)  PURPLE! (Kate)  FLESH (those would be Daddy's).

Have a fantastic Tuesday, friends!

Jen
 

But Who's Counting?

I'm almost there.  I'm almost there.

Last night I while picking up some daily essentials I stopped in the middle of an aisle in Target.  An end cap had caught my eye filled with colorful Valentine's Day merchandise.  An ache filled my heart quickly.

I miss my kids.

I say it all the time.  Every time anyone asks me "How are the kids doing?" I tear up and say the same words.  "They are doing great.. I'm happy for them.  I just miss them."

Yep, all about me still.

To cheer myself, I ran to the V day stuff.  I grabbed up trinkets left and right for my buddy.  My excitement rose as I started doing the math in my head.... 23 days.  23 more days and I will be with the kids.  I can wait 23 more days, surely.  But the real truth is that it will have been 81 days since I saw them last.

81.

That is totally unacceptable.  I must work harder on this.  A lot has happened in the last 81 days... for us and for them.  I talk to the kids still almost every day if not every day and now with the miraculous purchase of the PS3 little guy is talking to Bubba at least once a week, one on one (which I love).  Hubs spent over an hour chatting him up this week.  But still, it's just not enough.  The ache my arms feel from not being able to hug them is indescribable at times.  Especially when we need one another.

I phoned Sassy last night with much excitement to tell her of my findings for nugget.  She answered the telephone groggily.. "um, hello?"  In an instant I knew she was sick.

Sick.  In California.  Far away.  I can't take her soup. I can't take E to the park so she can rest.  I can't get her a warm, soft blankie to snuggle with and watch bad 80's movies while making her tea.  I can't do anything.

And, the ache is back.

It's this little stuff that hurts that most.  Nugget is potty training and she sends me tons of pics (which I completely and utterly love).  I wish I could put reward stars on his chart, cheer him on and give him high fives for his success.

In 23 days, I will.  I will attempt to shower all three of them with all the love and emotion I can conjure.  I will hug them a thousand times in four days.  They will be sick of me and ready for me to leave.

One of my faves with nugget

But my soul bank will be full again until I see them again, which WON'T be in another 81 days this time.

Have a great Thursday, friends.

Jen

Coffee with Friends

I can't help but feel massive pride today.  After 5 long and sometimes lonely weeks,  my Sassy made new girlfriends!

Even I, expressive/expressive type A extrovert, have to admit that moving 1,600 miles away from home and making new friends would be hard.  It would be one thing if you had a "thing"... "I'm a pediatric neurologist working on a grant to treat blah, blah, blah..." but for all of us totally ordinary people, it can be hard.

So she led with what she is FANTASTIC at... being a momma.  She hit a home run.

I had planned to take over on my visit and knock on every door around her to introduce her.  I'm certain she is so glad that won't happen now.  Or maybe I still will, just for fun.  :)

Not only did she make one friend but she found a group.  And of course, they totally embraced her and Nugget.  Because she is fabulous.  Of course I may be biased. 

Oh, and apparently she found a totally cool coffee place with a kid's playplace in it.  How genius is that?!?  I think I could franchise that here in the midwest... I know a lot of stay at home's that love coffee and are looking for ways to offload their kids for 30 minutes or so (or 4 hours... I'm not judging).

Java Mama.... I am TOTALLY loving this place!

I could just hear the excitement in her voice yesterday as she told me about her adventures.  I'm so happy for her.  My cup runneth over today!

Happy Wednesday, friends!


Jen

Back to Port!

We got the BEST news today!

Bub's ship is back!  After a world wide trip lasting 6 months, the Cruiser that my son is assigned is coming back home.  That means he will be HOME with my daughter!  At least for awhile, anyway.  A HUGE thank you to the Sailors aboard this fantastic Cruiser for protecting our nation!  You ROCK!

I was hyperventilating daily when faced with the fact they would be moving in a very short time and as soon as they got there, he would be leaving again.  Yes, I realize he is part of a MOBILE unit but still!  I wanted peace of mind knowing he would be with Kate for a least a little bit to get their new home settled.

I placed a new countdown on my blog but regret it already.  As if I wasn't sad enough when he left for boot, this one has much heavier meaning.  This next time I see him will be for awhile - he'll be finally leaving "home".... permanently.  With Sassy and Nugget in tow.

I can barely type that without tears.

I'm trying to channel my daughter's strength.  She is so amazing about this adventure, excited about all the new things she will experience.  I'm so jealous!  At 24 years old, I totally did NOT possess this level of independence.  Granted my mother had a stroke right after I turned 25 which drastically changed my life... but even if that hadn't have happened I'm pretty sure I would not have left my hometown.  I didn't have as much courage back then.  Not nearly as much as I do now.

Oh - and for the official "blog scrapbook".... Great Lakes Recruit Training Command posted this past week's graduating class (that would be ours)... and Jeremy is in several of the pictures!  This one happens to be my fave since he is maneuvering around and you can clearly see his face!

Third Row, next to flag carrier!

I still miss him so much.  I'm not sure that feeling is ever going to go away.

He matured 5 years while he was away.  Even his words seemed different to me.  And although he wanted to know what we had been up to for the past two months, he was steadfast in not hearing ANY drama whatsoever.  He's washed his hands of unhealthy relationships, distant family and focused entirely on his own career path, his family's future and developed an awesome optimistic outlook on his life.

I can't say it enough... I'm so proud of him.  I strive to live by his example as well!

Have a fantastic Wednesday, friends!

Jen

But I WANT IT!

Being rebellious is so fun.  And exhausting.  I was born with this specific designation woven into my character.  Maybe because I'm the baby of the fam.  Maybe because I'm a Scorpio.  Maybe because I married a baby of his fam who constantly challenges me in who's right.  Who knows.  I just know that half of the rules in this universe simply do NOT apply to me and probably never will.  Kinda like this one:

I argue incessantly.  I drive everyone crazy with how challenging I can be. I have to be right and I know it's not my best trait.  Even BFF and I got into it this morning over something we disagreed about.  She said she was right.  I said I was right.  I called her my mother.  She said that's why I love her.  She was right.

So it will come to no shock to anyone to learn that my first born grandson is just like me.  Okay, maybe not.  Maybe it's just because he's almost 2.  But he acts just like me.  He wants his way.  He hits you and says "NO!" when he doesn't get what he wants.  He throws himself down and cries.  Sound familiar?

I love that little nugget.  I hope he continues to be as spicy and sassy as he is today when he grows up.  I want him to be fiery, to want what he wants and be fiercely determined.

I'm sure with his parents he will be.

 

Happy Thursday, friends!  Go get what you want today!

Jen

Momma Pride

I love being a mother.  It is by far the most rewarding job a woman can ever have.  Even when you screw up, even when your kids screw up, that bond of unconditional love between a mother and her kiddos is unbreakable.  Hence the reason you can see women stand in the court room of their child being convicted for murder and weep for their child.  Unconditional.

Bubba is heading out to boot in 36 days.  36 days.  I can barely type that without feeling my heart come up into my throat.  Mostly, I am SO excited for him.  He is going to have so much FUN.  I can't believe I'm typing THAT either!  This is so perfect for him... to be part of a team, to be honored and respected for his work, to have giant expectations placed upon him to strive to be his best.  This is where he shines best.

Bub's story could have been so incredibly different.  Academics were incredibly rough for him and not because he isn't incredibly smart.  His attention to detail, tenacity and determination are fantastic.  It was always the "little things" that he hated ~ those daily homework assignments that meant nothing in the real world.  Things he thought didn't make a difference.  So in the midst of struggling through high school, he took a road I had BEGGED him not to take pretty much his entire life... he worked for the bio dad's family business.  Key word FAMILY.  Yikes... run away.  It had already taken it's toll on another marriage and family unit so I was quite worried about this.  And quite frankly... I never, ever wanted him to settle into a "given" and not work to his total potential.  I prayed A LOT while he worked there.

He graduated high school and continued in the business.  He declared he wasn't going to college.  I cried a LOT.  I felt like a failure... like he settled.  My worst nightmares were coming true.

Then the best thing that could ever happen to him occurred:  his bio dad remarried for the 4th time and the new wife had a son that needed a job.  Could see this coming a mile away.  Immediately following my son's honeymoon, he returned to work to find out his job was eliminated (right... replaced is the proper term).  So the tie was cut.  My prayers were answered.

It took Bub a bit to get his footing after that.  He worried a lot about what he was going to do.  I didn't.  I knew that no matter what direction his life took it was going to be tenfold better than the one he had originally started.  And I was right.. thankfully!

Flash forward three years and my son is leaving in 36 days.  He is following a dream ~ one he has had for years but didn't have the courage to travel.  His amazing wife is fully supporting him and will be departing shortly after him (which will be harder for me I think than his departure).  All is right in the world.

Sometimes I focus my energy on hating the ex and his 4th wife for what they have said and done to my kids... but today, I relish in it.  It was the perfect set up to the perfect life for my kids, without drama, without pain, without conditional love.  They are able to spread their wings and be free.

As for my little guy... well, he is perfect.  I am amazed at how easily being his mom has been.  He makes me proud every single day.  He makes great decisions, he is compassionate, loving, caring for others and unconditional in his love for others.  And nugget?  Well, I couldn't be more proud of my beautiful children giving me the most amazing little boy EVER.  I feel successful as a mom today. :)

Happy Mother's Day to all my beautiful, fantastic, amazing friends and family.  You are all cherished by me... unconditionally.  I applaud you for the daily work you perform in raising your own children.  

Love you, friends!

Jen

Weight a Minute!

I have heavy boots.  Nope, I'm not sad.  I just have some extra baby weight hanging around.  Oh yeah, we can't say that 10 years later, can we?  Maybe it's Nugget sympathy weight.  Well, he's almost 2, so maybe that won't work either.  Ugh.

I hate when I get in a slump fitness wise.  It happens to me at least once a year, where I just cannot seem to motivate myself to get off the couch.  Oddly enough, it usually happens in the winter.  Hmmm... I wonder why?

But no real great excuses this winter.  Our winter has been fantastically mild.  So I can't use that either.

I wonder how many hours I spend making up excuses?  I'm sure I could crank out a few thousand sit ups in that time.

I guess the only good news about working out is that it is always waiting for you to start again.  Of course starting wouldn't be so hard if I never stopped, but I digress.

Hubs and I started running together about a month ago.  It has been awesome, even on days when we aren't exactly "together" the entire time.  He motivates me from his pure drive and determination post back surgery to meet his new found goals.  He even did 30 days of Insanity Asylum, which I tried one day and about died.  Even when he doesn't necessarily feel great he still works his exercise plan.  Geesh, I wish I could find that right now.

I can't just stick to the running much longer.  We are t-minus 45 days to Warrior Dash and I have to have some upper body strength to hurl myself over those damn walls and climb cargo nets.  I gotta get with it, and pronto!

Oh, and did I tell you my gym is closing?  Yeah, awesome news.  End of this week, no notice to members (heard via my aerobic class club).  Nice.  The good news is they are transferring our membership to another local gym so I'll give that a shot.  I have GOT to lift something other than coffee to be ready for the throw down.  Davis is going down - there is no WAY I will let him beat me!

So no excuses today, friends.  Get movin'.  20 minutes is all you need to maintain where you are right now.  GET UP!

Have a great one!

Jen

Bite it, Bio Dad

Now that V-day is officially over, it's probably time for me to have a throw down blog.  I haven't had one of those in a long time! I'll try not to be overly negative (yeah right) so if you only want to read upbeat stories today you'll have to visit one of my other bloggers!

I ordered the invitations to my oldest son's going away party this week and once again, a chord was struck.  Those of you that know me understand that I absolutely despise my ex with every single fiber of my being.  And nope, I'm not some jealous ex (as if that would EVEN be possible).  He has monumentally hurt (physically, verbally and emotionally) and disappointed my son repeatedly throughout his life and once my son came to realize this was his reality, my handcuffs finally came off allowing me to say what I really feel about it.

Each time a life event occurs for my son, once again I'm reminded that it probably hurts my son that his bio father is such a piece of crap.  Ugh.  Hurts my heart.

I'm sure his 4th wife would LOVE that it hurts me.  She would probably do a dance over it.  She is that mature and thinks it's funny to be hurtful to others.  Mean Girl, most definitely.  I think we called those insecure girls bullies in high school, which she firmly still acts as though she's in.

My son is totally at peace with where his relationship with his Dad sits today.  He expects absolutely nothing from the man.  Not an apology, not a smile, not even any acknowledgement.  Personally, I don't know where he gets that strength but I'm thankful every day for his ability to move forward and not focus on the negative that was handed him.

Me on the other hand?  Well, I think God meant we should forgive unless it has something to do with our children.  If someone intentionally hurts your kids, I don't think you have to forget about it.  If someone wants to be mean to me, that's fine... but NOT my kids.  I think God put me on this earth to protect them to the day I die, which I will.  So I think I will go ahead and hate him (and stick pins in his doll) and NOT forgive him for all of his atrocities.  And the list is  L O N G  my friends.

 I suppose I shouldn't waste anytime thinking about these things.  The reality is that my ex doesn't care about my son.  And he never has.  But I am so disappointed in that.  At one point he was in love with his only son.. at least I think he was.  Somewhere between gathering three more wives, how ever many stepkids and loving his Jack Daniels more than any of it, he lost his priority of loving and protecting his own son.  But of course, it's completely my fault.  It couldn't possibly be his.

I have a couple of people in my life that walk through their journey blaming everyone around them for their "misfortunes" and I just don't get it.  Every decision has a consequence.  Like it or not.  And we all make mistakes of which we must bear the consequences.  But for many, it is just easier to blame others and not be accountable for their own actions.  A pathetic cop out if you ask me.  My ex is the KING of this action (and has the perfect Queen to accompany it, as she is a blamer as well).  They do typically walk this earth together, blamers.  I guess everyone deserves someone to commiserate.

So we will have our celebration!  Those friends and family that love and care for my son will be there and will love him through his send off.  They will hug our daughter and love and support her in her new journey.  They will kiss nugget on his chubby cheeks and smile when he hugs his daddy's neck.  Sweet, unconditional love.  Not obligated, not forced and CERTAINLY not mean or vindictive.  It will be a great event!

I feel much better now that's off my chest.  Now... on to the final planning!  I can't believe he is leaving in just 4 short months!  The time for him to board that plane will be here in no time.  Thank god we've got frequent flier tickets!

Happy hump day, friends!

Jen

HELP is on the Way

I love Sunday mornings.  I know I've blogged that a zillion times, but obviously it is true!  My house is so quiet ~ the dogs go back to sleep after breakfast, hubs and little guy are still snoozing away and I'm all alone to think.  Maybe the best few moments of my week.

Sundays were always family day when I was a kiddo.  My dad even said "no sleep overs" on Saturday night in preparation for Sundays.  He too must have cherished that quiet time within your own four walls.  My mom always cooked, we planned for the week and we communicated with one another.  Most of our meals were together anyway through the week but there was a different feel about Sundays.

I am holding my 3rd annual Oscar Watch Party for my girlfriends at the end of February (on a Sunday).  In preparation, I need to watch the Best Picture nominations!  It always seems that I have never seen (or heard of) any of the nominations which certainly puts a damper on the awards show.  Hubs and I watched The Help last night so Moneyball or the Tree of Life is on the list today.  We have to check them off on the weekends ~ our weeks are far to busy to sit and enjoy a movie midweek.  

For those of you that don't know (because you live UNDERGROUND, obviously), here is a little snippet about this particular movie:

The Help is a 2011 drama film adaptation of Kathryn Stockett's novel of the same name. The film is an ensemble piece about a young white woman, Eugenia "Skeeter" Phelan, and her relationship with two black maids during Civil Rights era America in the early 1960s. Skeeter is a journalist who decides to write a controversial book from the point of view of the maids (known as the Help), exposing the racism they are faced with as they work for white families.

The film takes place in Jackson, Mississippi, and stars Emma Stone, Viola Davis, Octavia Spencer, Bryce Dallas Howard, Jessica Chastain, Sissy Spacek, Mike Vogel, Mary Steenburgen, and Allison Janney. The Help opened to positive reviews and became a massive box office success with gross of $205.3 million against its budget of $25 million. In January 2012, the film received four Academy Awards nominations including Best Picture and acting nods for Davis, Chastain and Spencer.

So as hubs and I snuggled on the couch watching the movie, I wasn't quite prepared to dislike it.  All of my friends that have read the book said it was just an awesome story and those that have seen the movie said that the adaptation was perfect.  I love Emma Stone... ever since The Rocker (a movie I'm sure nobody has seen!) I fell in love with that little sassy redhead.  I am quite partial to reds!  Though her performance (and those of the rest of the actors) was incredibly individually, the story just broke my heart.  Yes, I expected it was going to be rough obviously due to the premise.  But I wasn't quite prepared for how angry I was going to feel.

I have seen many movies that address slavery and racism in our country, but this one struck a different type of chord in me.  It took individual women, not a group of people as in Remember the Titans, and told their individual stories of leaving their own children at home to be cared by others while raising white babies for white women.  Although they were paid for their services, it was ridiculous ($182 a month) and insulting.  Not to mention the forced segregation and complete lack of respect they were given.

I cried.  My stomach hurt.  I was ashamed.  I cannot believe that was such a short time ago - my momma's generation.  I cannot believe that was acceptable in this country.  Hell, it was WRITTEN in the Mississippi State Laws.  Ugh.  I cannot even fathom treating another human being (or animal for that matter) in the way these women were treated.  Just makes me sick.

So much for a feel good.  That was certainly not it. 

So today I'm going to try to watch something a bit more uplifting.  I need a Sunday feel good.  It's our cheat day so hubs is making biscuits and gravy for breakfast (yummo!)  I'll take a pic of my food, I'm sure.  The kids are coming for dinner and I cannot WAIT to snuggle nugget.  I miss his sweet face!

Happy Sunday, readers!  I hope you have a relaxing day!

Jen

Fantastic Fathers

My hubs said the most profound thing to me. 

When he was a kiddo, he had a Youth Pastor that was lecturing the kids on responsibilities of fatherhood.  He told the boys the following:

The most important thing a father can do for his children is show them how much he loves their mother.

WOW.

I actually stopped what I was doing and immediately pondered what just came out of his mouth.  As far as I am concerned, he (and his Pastor) are BRILLIANT.

If born into a traditional family setting with one mother and one father, as children we come into this world loving both of our parents.  Sure girls may tend to gravitate towards their fathers and boys tend to gravitate towards their mothers at different times in the growth cycle, but nonetheless children love BOTH of their parents.  Even in documented cases where one or both parents are abusive to their children either physically, emotionally or god forbid sexually ~ children will still love their parents.  They are biologically designed to do so.

When a parent is cruel to the other parent, particularly in front of their children, a child has no other option but to defend the person they love.  It's no different with your siblings quite frankly - I have often said to others "It's okay for ME to be mad at my brother but no WAY anyone else can!"  It's a protective gene we have for those that we love.  We never want to see them harmed in any way unless of course they have hurt us themselves (which is an entirely different blog).

I reflected back on this and my own life and hubs is so right.  My parents divorced when I was 16 and my mother never said a single, solitary bad thing about my father to me.  In fact she did quite the opposite - if I expressed anger towards my dad around her she would plead with me to patient, to be understanding, to try to work it out with him.  She loved him until the day that she died with every fiber of her being.  Maybe because she just did, or maybe it was because he was the father of her children.  I won't know the answer to that.

I have said a zillion times on here and to anyone that will listen that I absolutely DESPISE my ex.  I wish I would have never married that man.  It was such a huge mistake.  I was to young to understand that I already had Bubba, I didn't need to marry him just to make it look better.    But I will say this ~ as much as I hated him, as much anger as I had for his lackadaisical way of being a father to my son, I always, always defended him to my son when he didn't show up.  I made excuse after excuse trying to protect him in the eyes of my son.  I could see how desperately my son wanted his father's love and attention and it tore me up when he disappointed him time and time again.  But I just sat back and let be what was going to be.  I will never, ever forgive my ex for the long list of crap he has done to my son but I am still saddened for my son.  As an adult now, my son does not speak to his father.  He severed his relationship with him on his own accord to protect his emotional and physical safety.  But it wasn't because of me. 

Well, wait - I'll take that back.  Maybe it was partially because of me.  His father repeatedly thrashed me.  4th wife has even addressed me as "that whore" to my son.  Big mistake.  Because my son loves ME, too.  And you can't make kids choose.  If you do, you won't like the consequences that come your way.

Both of my sons are so incredibly lucky.  My hubs and I are certainly not without faults.  We have made marital mistakes.  We have argued in front of our children a time or two.  But my boys know all the way down to their core that my hubs loves me unconditionally.  And by extension, they will learn to become wonderful fathers and husbands.  Bubba is already the most amazing father and will never, ever be hurtful to nugget.  He respects my daughter in law so much and loves her unconditionally - something little nugget will no doubt see and understand clearly.  And thus the cycle will continue.

To all my friends going through divorce or coparenting afterwards, try to take in those words above.  It doesn't really matter if you are a mom or a dad - just remember that the other person is incredibly important to your children.  Remember that your children unconditioanlly love their other parent.  Be kind in your words about them.  Overkill with kindness.  Let them see that without their other parent, they wouldn't have become the little ones that they are, even if you don't like your ex.  Show them the best example you can despite your circumstances.  Your children will appreciate it later in life, I promise.  And if their parent is a jackass, they will figure that out as well.  In the end, they will respect you for being the bigger person and always being there for them.

And to the step moms and dads that may be reading, one final piece of advice.  Tread very, very lightly with your stepkids about their other parent.  If you trash their mom or dad (your spouse's ex), they will grow to despise you.  Remember, they love their parents.  They are designed to protect them.  If you try to interrupt the general flow of the biological p's it will eventually bite you in the ass.  Oh you may win little battles, but when the kids get old enough to figure out your antics you won't be on their Top 10 Favorite People list.  In fact, you'll be on the People to Avoid list for the rest of your life.

2 Tickets to the Gun Show

Last night, we had a celebratory dinner for Sassy's birthday.  While nugget and little guy settled down to watch Despicable Me, the four of us had one of our chats in the kitchen.  We have a lot of those.  Fun, easy going, filled with laughter.

Bubba came straight from work to dinner so he was wearing a short sleeved shirt.  I haven't seen his arms in awhile - when it gets cold he typically covers his arms.  I couldn't help but notice his giant, bulging biceps.  I just had to ask him what was going on.

The kids have implemented a no cussing zone in their home.  Now that nugget is repeating words, it's important that he doesn't spout out the wrong kind.  The traditional "drop a quarter in a can" effort won't work either... who walks around with that much change?  So Sassy came up with a new reminder to keep their words clean.... punishment exercises.

For Bubba, it's 5 full, clean push-ups.  All the way to the ground, all the way back up.  For Sassy, it's full, complete sit ups.  My abs hurt just thinking about this.

So basically Bub is up to around 80 push ups a day.  And man, it SHOWS.  Not only his biceps and triceps, but he has these KNOTS on his arms.  At the elbow, on his forearm.  Yikes!  I had to actually ask if he had a tumor in his arm!  He is CUT!!  Hubs actually asked him if he had a new tat on his arm - because it's BIGGER than he recognized!

As he hugged me goodnight, I reflected on the sweet, chubby little boy I had just 10 years ago.  Now standing in front of me is a man, a father, a husband and a sailor.  So cliche' but true - time truly does fly.  

I'll tell you one thing ~ if I ever get into a bar fight I know who I want in my corner!

'Tis the Season... Coma Style

Let the carb overload begin!  Sitting down for my second meal today, I can't even begin to count it all.  My favorite holiday of the year surrounds cleaning and cooking for two days for the ones I love.  Hmmm.  I wonder why that is?

Maybe it's because Christmas drives me nuts.  I honestly don't care for it much at all.  Having the boys certainly makes me look at it differently but had I never had children I think I would be avoiding it entirely.

I met my hubs when I was 21 at the end of the summer of '92 and told him then that I didn't much care for the Christmas holiday.  He, on the other hand, absolutely LOVES Christmas.  He will spend hours and hours picking out the most perfect gifts for me and the boys.  He buys all of his own wrapping paper and takes special care in buying matching ribbons, bows and tags.  My wrapping paper is always picked out separately from the boys so I can feel special.  He fills my stocking with things that I love ~ special coffees, candies, gift cards to my favorite foodie places.

I allow myself to blame my dislike of the holiday on other people.  How sad, I totally know better than that.  So my parents divorced right before Christmas ~ big deal.  So I had to co-parent with the a-hole bio-dad for 15 years ~ who cares.  But the wear and tear of my momma's house, my dad's house (with his new family), my hubs' p's house, and Bubba going 4 different directions as well just wore me out.  I saw all the commercialism in the holiday and not the magic of the season.

So this year, I am going to really try to relax and focus on the family before Bubba heads out for boot camp. I'm going to try to live through nugget's eyes all the wonders around us.  And I'm not shopping.  Nope, not doing it.  It might kill some people around me but it will be just fine, I promise :).  If I love you, you will know it.  Maybe not the biggest token you've ever received but something will grace your mailbox.

I wonder if anyone will join me in this effort?  Certainly not those in Suburgatory with me (BTW ~ LOVE that show!!)  I've already heard the wish lists of their kids so there is no way they could take this path with me.  Plus you know if one kid gets something, the other kids HAVE to have it too so we can teach them to Keep up with the Jones' when they get older.  UGH.  When I ask little guy what he wants for Christmas he tells me "a vacation with my family".  Well, we may not be jumping on a plane, but I think I can arrange this... in theory anyway.

The decorations come out tomorrow.  Fa La La.  I hope my Grinchyness is gone by then.  But I am very THANKFUL for my life.  I wouldn't change a thing or single decision.  Well ~ I probably would annul the first marriage.

Ewww, don't touch that!

I think one of the things I love about the holidays (or changing any season really) is the fact that I get to drag out all of my decorations and CLEAN.  Really clean... like move the furniture clean.  After an hour and a half of grocery shopping this morning at two different stores I came home and started in at 10:30.  I just sat down 8 1/2 hours later.  And I'm not really done yet.

But I do find it awesomely rewarding to look around at my abode and see actual wood without dust on it.  See carpet without Jack and Bella's fur on it.  

I do absolutely, unequivocally HATE one thing:  toilets.  Seriously?!  I am convinced that if I lived alone I bet I wouldn't even have to clean the toilets.  But these boys?  Geesh!  I get multi-tasking but just TRY to hit the water, will ya?  UGH!

So with that nasty task completed (times 4 by the way), I am chilling out for awhile before the cooking extravaganza begins.  I'm so excited - Bubba, my girlie girl and nugget are coming to spend the night!  I love that the kids have been gone three years and they still want to come home for holidays (even though they live in my town).  I cherish these moments even more now that Bubba is headed to boot camp.  Every extra second I get with the kids is a huge reward!

Off to move laundry... then I'll chill.  Maybe :).

Happy Thanksgiving Eve!