Now that V-day is officially over, it's probably time for me to have a throw down blog. I haven't had one of those in a long time! I'll try not to be overly negative (yeah right) so if you only want to read upbeat stories today you'll have to visit one of my other bloggers!
I ordered the invitations to my oldest son's going away party this week and once again, a chord was struck. Those of you that know me understand that I absolutely despise my ex with every single fiber of my being. And nope, I'm not some jealous ex (as if that would EVEN be possible). He has monumentally hurt (physically, verbally and emotionally) and disappointed my son repeatedly throughout his life and once my son came to realize this was his reality, my handcuffs finally came off allowing me to say what I really feel about it.
Each time a life event occurs for my son, once again I'm reminded that it probably hurts my son that his bio father is such a piece of crap. Ugh. Hurts my heart.
I'm sure his 4th wife would LOVE that it hurts me. She would probably do a dance over it. She is that mature and thinks it's funny to be hurtful to others. Mean Girl, most definitely. I think we called those insecure girls bullies in high school, which she firmly still acts as though she's in.
My son is totally at peace with where his relationship with his Dad sits today. He expects absolutely nothing from the man. Not an apology, not a smile, not even any acknowledgement. Personally, I don't know where he gets that strength but I'm thankful every day for his ability to move forward and not focus on the negative that was handed him.
Me on the other hand? Well, I think God meant we should forgive unless it has something to do with our children. If someone intentionally hurts your kids, I don't think you have to forget about it. If someone wants to be mean to me, that's fine... but NOT my kids. I think God put me on this earth to protect them to the day I die, which I will. So I think I will go ahead and hate him (and stick pins in his doll) and NOT forgive him for all of his atrocities. And the list is L O N G my friends.
I suppose I shouldn't waste anytime thinking about these things. The reality is that my ex doesn't care about my son. And he never has. But I am so disappointed in that. At one point he was in love with his only son.. at least I think he was. Somewhere between gathering three more wives, how ever many stepkids and loving his Jack Daniels more than any of it, he lost his priority of loving and protecting his own son. But of course, it's completely my fault. It couldn't possibly be his.
I have a couple of people in my life that walk through their journey blaming everyone around them for their "misfortunes" and I just don't get it. Every decision has a consequence. Like it or not. And we all make mistakes of which we must bear the consequences. But for many, it is just easier to blame others and not be accountable for their own actions. A pathetic cop out if you ask me. My ex is the KING of this action (and has the perfect Queen to accompany it, as she is a blamer as well). They do typically walk this earth together, blamers. I guess everyone deserves someone to commiserate.
So we will have our celebration! Those friends and family that love and care for my son will be there and will love him through his send off. They will hug our daughter and love and support her in her new journey. They will kiss nugget on his chubby cheeks and smile when he hugs his daddy's neck. Sweet, unconditional love. Not obligated, not forced and CERTAINLY not mean or vindictive. It will be a great event!
I feel much better now that's off my chest. Now... on to the final planning! I can't believe he is leaving in just 4 short months! The time for him to board that plane will be here in no time. Thank god we've got frequent flier tickets!
Happy hump day, friends!Jen