Maybe it's because Christmas drives me nuts. I honestly don't care for it much at all. Having the boys certainly makes me look at it differently but had I never had children I think I would be avoiding it entirely.
I met my hubs when I was 21 at the end of the summer of '92 and told him then that I didn't much care for the Christmas holiday. He, on the other hand, absolutely LOVES Christmas. He will spend hours and hours picking out the most perfect gifts for me and the boys. He buys all of his own wrapping paper and takes special care in buying matching ribbons, bows and tags. My wrapping paper is always picked out separately from the boys so I can feel special. He fills my stocking with things that I love ~ special coffees, candies, gift cards to my favorite foodie places.
I allow myself to blame my dislike of the holiday on other people. How sad, I totally know better than that. So my parents divorced right before Christmas ~ big deal. So I had to co-parent with the a-hole bio-dad for 15 years ~ who cares. But the wear and tear of my momma's house, my dad's house (with his new family), my hubs' p's house, and Bubba going 4 different directions as well just wore me out. I saw all the commercialism in the holiday and not the magic of the season.
So this year, I am going to really try to relax and focus on the family before Bubba heads out for boot camp. I'm going to try to live through nugget's eyes all the wonders around us. And I'm not shopping. Nope, not doing it. It might kill some people around me but it will be just fine, I promise :). If I love you, you will know it. Maybe not the biggest token you've ever received but something will grace your mailbox.
I wonder if anyone will join me in this effort? Certainly not those in Suburgatory with me (BTW ~ LOVE that show!!) I've already heard the wish lists of their kids so there is no way they could take this path with me. Plus you know if one kid gets something, the other kids HAVE to have it too so we can teach them to Keep up with the Jones' when they get older. UGH. When I ask little guy what he wants for Christmas he tells me "a vacation with my family". Well, we may not be jumping on a plane, but I think I can arrange this... in theory anyway.
The decorations come out tomorrow. Fa La La. I hope my Grinchyness is gone by then. But I am very THANKFUL for my life. I wouldn't change a thing or single decision. Well ~ I probably would annul the first marriage.