Monday, April 02, 2012

GParents ROCK!!

I love being a mother.  It is honestly the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life.  It's especially awesome to have an adult child ~ seeing them have a family and life experiences on their own is such an incredible thing!  And being a grandparent?  Well, I could blog all day about that experience!

Little guy spent time with his grandparents this weekend and I couldn't help but feel incredibly blessed.  I try to tell them every single time I see them how lucky we feel to have them as our children's grandparents.  They are absolutely incredible ~ come to every single event in our child's lives, support and love them both unconditionally just as we do, and welcome and love our daughter-in-law just as much!  Not many families operate that way - there are a LOT of obligations, expectations and requirements.  Even my own family felt that way for a long time... moving into adulthood, having a child young and taking care of my momma with ill health was not an easy task.  There were times when my own father had a lot of obligatory items in our relationship, that I just needed to be a certain way because that's what daughters just do.  We struggled a lot back then with that push and pull.

I think what makes my relationship so great with my in-laws and by extension the gparents is that they do not require anything of us.  They understand fully what it takes to raise a family, to run kids to practice, to keep up with your finances, to try to maintain some sort of sanity in everyday life.  They don't expect us to call them every day, they don't expect us to visit them every weekend, they don't expect much from us at all.  They know that we love them unconditionally and I hope that they know how appreciative of them we are every day!

Because they live their lives that way and lead our relationship in that manner, we include them in everything.  And they come!  We ask them for help with our children and they are there for us.  They don't judge us or ask us why or what we are doing (which I'm sure sometimes they think we are crazy!)  They just love us, the way parents should love their kids.

My good friend that I blog about a lot with the ex that remarried 90 days after they divorced struggled a bit last week, and again this ties right to the heart of it.  Bio dad was going to miss 2 of his son's baseball games due to work, which happens, but then wasn't going to be able to take him on his weekend with his kids because his NEW wife wanted him to go with her to pick up her bio kids.  I just can't seem to get my arms around this.  I see this a LOT too, especially in anyone that is a stepmom and bitches about the exes.  I struggle mostly because I can't figure out why people don't understand that when a child has an event in their life, they want BOTH their mother and their father to experience their accomplishment.  And NOT just every other weekend!  Every single event.  This isn't rocket science - kids love both their parents and want to be loved unconditionally by both of their parents.  Steps are NOT stand ins, they do not replace the bio parent.  They are simply an addition to the family.  Their kids do not take priority over the bio kids of the two adults.... period.  Where there is a conflict, bio mom and dad go to their children's events and steps go to their OWN bio kids events.. segregated.  Steps should understand that when they enter into the marriage, not try to manipulate it to their needs and come between the bio kids and their parents.  Even when they don't like the ex.  Even when they have other opinions about the bio's relationship with one another.  Just butt OUT!

I almost see my relationship sometimes with my in-laws as coparenting, where little guy is concerned.  They watch him every day he is out of school during the year.  They take him 2 weeks in the summer just to play and have fun with him.  They are our only babysitter for our son (and were for our oldest son as well).  They take our place when we are not with him.

We respect them.  We love them.  We trust them.  We know they have our kids best interest at heart.  They work with us from a place of love and not defensiveness (not that they would ever have to do that). 
50th Wedding Anniversary - how cute are they?

We are so lucky and blessed.  I wish every grandparent could see what I see in this experience!  If parents could just try to parent unconditionally (especially with steps involved) things would be SO much easier on the kiddos!  Just my two cents...

Happy Monday, friends!



  1. What a tribute to your in laws, Jen. Can't wait to meet them. I feel bad your parents never got to experience our precious Jessica as grandparents should. Being our firstborn grandchild, I was thrilled when she was born. But then the other 4 came along and we were just as thrilled. We are so blessed to have the children and grandchildren that we have.
    You sound so very blessed as well.
    Love you

  2. Thanks Jean, love you too. I wish my momma could have seen Jess as a grown woman. She would be absolutely tickled to see her success! She sure loved her!!