Tuesday, December 20, 2011

My Idiot Father

I talked with a friend last night in despair.  Once again, the bio dad of her kids hurt them yet again. 

This couple had an interesting story.  Last year they decided to split after 10+ years of marriage.  They even lived together during their separation "for the kids".  It was amazingly amiable - I was a bit torn at the time but they really did put the kids first in everything they did so it seemed to work great!  They even divorced very amicably so I really did think they would be one of the lucky ones to coparent.

Ah, how wrong I was.  Within 2 months of their divorce, bio dad remarried.  Yep - insert 3rd wife (he was married before my friend).  And what does she bring with her?  Three kids from 2 dads ~ although she doesn't have custody of any of them.  Hmmm, the issues mount.

Shocking that a few short months later, it's a nightmare.  Since he married 3rd wife, he no longer attends any of HIS kids events.  None of them.  Now it's important to note that he attended EVERYTHING before the 3rd wife came along.  He was a great dad!  But now since he needs to HATE the bio mom he can't go to anything because it's "uncomfortable" to be around her.  No, that's not step moms doing, of course not.  I'm sure she's perfect in every way.

So last night, their little guy had his preschool Christmas program.  He'd been practicing and was very excited for the event.  It was his DAD'S day.  I'm sure you can see how this unfolds.

Bio dad called my friend and asked if she could pick up the little guy and take him to his program.  Of course! was her response.  However, I'd like to pick up BOTH kids ~ the little guy gets drug to all of the older boy's events so this time the older son needs to support his little brother.  Nope, that's not what bio dad wants.  He wants to take older son 2 hours away to see stepmom's daughter's Christmas program.

Wait ~ what??  Our older son can't see his little brother's program but you want to take him to his new stepsister's program?  How does that work exactly?

End result - bio dad got mad and kept both kids.  And little guy missed his own Christmas program.  And they all drove 2 hours away to see the stepdaughter's program and arrived home I'm sure after 10 on a school night.

OH MY GOD.  And what point does this make sense??  It doesn't.

See ~ bio dad did not put his kids first.  He put his WIFE first.  Hence the reason you shouldn't remarry if you can't keep your shit prioritized.

I had to deal with this crap too for a long time.  My ex wouldn't come to my son's events if I was going to be there.  Whatever.  He's my kid, he came out of my vag and I don't care if the world is on FIRE you will not keep me from being a part of my child's life.  Pull up your big boy pants and get your ass to your kids events!  You think you hurt the bio mom when you put your head in the sand but it is ONLY the kiddos that take the hit.  My ex missed YEARS of baseball, basketball, football, school plays, etc. but would bow his neck when parent teacher conferences came around because he wanted to "be involved".  Nope, you're not.  If you can't show respect in his everyday life then you don't get to participate.  Period.  Your parental card has been revoked for improper parenting.

This bio dad will figure this out soon enough, too.  Eventually, these two boys won't want to go to his house.  And of course, my friend will be to blame for being an EVIL EX.  Wear it proud, sister - wear it proud!  Defend your kids to the end.  They know who loves them, supports them and is their biggest advocate.  And sad as it might be right now, they will be better off without the absent father and the 3rd wife - of course by then it may be the 4th wife....

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