Monday, December 05, 2011

Bloggin' Up the Steps

I love blogs.  I'm pretty much a blog whore.  I read any and all I can get my hands on to learn different perspectives and ideas.  And sometimes, I'm just nosy and wonder what other people are up to.

It astounds me what some people blog.  If this is the first time you are reading MY blog, you will find that I talk about myself, my friends and my family.  Mostly, I unearth my personal journey through life and my joys, mistakes and trials I experience.  I'm an extremely self aware girl so you find that I'm the first one to point out my vulnerabilities.

However, there are many people that spend ENDLESS amount of time writing about people they don't like or get along with.  It must be exhausting to walk around hating other people so much.  The ones that crack me up the most are the ones co-parenting with ex-spouses.  That's the best entertainment - it's like seeing a car accident... you just can't look away no matter how bad it is.  I find that I read these blogs almost religiously because I just can't seem to believe that someone would be so bold in writing to slam someone they KNOW reads their blog.  Hey, I'm the most non-confrontational person on the planet but I can only think one thing:  Grow some nads, people!  If you have an issue with someone and want to truly be a grown up, just get your crap out in person! 

Oh no - the new way of communication is slamming someone in a blog.  Hate emails.  Nightmare texting, twittering, facebooking, etc.  No verbal communication whatsoever.  Very grown up.

Now in defense of those doing this ~ it is often IMPOSSIBLE to co-parent.  If you were married and got divorced, you obviously had a reason to divorce. Someone was the dumper and someone was the dumpee.  And usually, the dumpee gets vengeful and starts throwing darts at your eyes.  I should know I was the dumper once.  Oddly enough, if you can't be married you most likely won't coparent very well either.  Oh you might have moments when everyone tries to get along but once remarriage starts it becomes impossible.  Bio moms HATE stepmoms, bio dad's feel threatened by stepdads.  In the end, biological parents want their kids to love them and only them as the PARENTS of the kids.  Ugh, if only it were that easy.

My experience actually turned the other way.  I am grateful every day for the stepmom of my son.  Oh, it wasn't always that easy.  Both Bubba's bio dad and I were remarried by the time he was 3 years old and we were still in major WWIII mode.  Everytime we had to exchange Bubba we screamed unmercifully at each other.  Nightmare that totally justified my decision to divorce him everytime I saw him.  But by the time Bubba turned 6 and bio dad and stepmom had their first daughter, we were in a groove.  Granted, we still spat sometimes about scheduling which seemed to be the primary problem. 

The moment it all changed was middle school.  7th grade registration, to be precise.  By then, bio dad had missed about 5 years of activities.  Just never came to anything, totally absent because it was "on my time".  What a cop out.  "Grow up and drag your ass to your kid's events" was my constant statement.  But on this special day, stepmom came to registration with me.  Not bio dad, just stepmom.  And we did it together.  From that day on, we coparented Bubba together and removed bio dad.  It was the best decision that I'm sure neither of us self consciously did but it worked perfectly.

To this day, Bubba has a fantastic relationship with his stepmom (and she with him).  She and her P's (his grandparents) are very close and see each other at every holiday and major event.  I can't imagine her not being a part of his life forever.  She nursed his boo boos, wiped his tears when his dad disappointed him and loved him unconditionally - a dream that every parent has for their kids.  I know I didn't always respect her the way I should have and to that I have publically owned it and apologized to her a zillion times. 

Bubba doesn't see his bio dad which should come to no surprise to anyone that really knows us.  He was never there for his son as a child so we certainly wouldn't assume he would be as an adult.  He is too consumed in his own current drama to even notice that he has no relationship with him.  Shocker - it's always been that way.  But what a HUGE advantage for the rest of us to live and love each other without his crap getting in the way!

So for all those steps getting slammed in blogs everyday, I say THANKS to mine that was and is a savior in my opinion.  Unfortunately for her she still has to coparent with Bub's bio dad (they had three children together over their 12 year marriage) so she has to live in a constant nightmare with the 4th wife (yep, there was one in between).  I don't envy her at all - I would literally move out of the country if I had to even attempt this venture.  Or call the Italians, whichever worked best (hubs knows a couple or tree...) < Inside joke>

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