Oh yeah, it's on again. Been awhile since I've BEAT this topic to death. Good thing my entire blog isn't about it!
Once again I'm witnessing steps jacking everything up. For my friend, her journey just never seems to get any easier. I wish there was someway it could get better, but unfortunately without a shovel and a truck I don't think she will accomplish that.
Her divorce resulted in 50/50 custody of her kiddos with her ex. It was amiable. They didn't even use an attorney. They had a parenting plan, figured out distribution of costs and days and had it all figured out. Until he hooked up a month later and was married 3 months later.
Insert the stepmom. Lord help us all. Now in all fairness, I have a super duper great friend who is an EXCELLENT step mom! And I know exactly how she does it so perfectly... not that any of these evil steps would want to actually LEARN anything. Oh, and another step that did it right? MY HUBS. He did it EXACTLY right. So I think we actually have some experience in this field and reasons for pointing out the ones that are jacking it up (my favorite term from little guy...)
Now that he is remarried, the stepmom doesn't like stuff. She doesn't like that he talks to his ex, about ANYTHING. God forbid they actually COPARENT together... why would you ever need to talk about anything?? Geesh, what an idiot. Oh, and you can't decide everything in email either jackleg. Some things actually require conversation! What a concept!
She doesn't like that HIS kids come over and cause "drama". Right. Guess what sista... you married into it! What the hell did you expect, that he would just ignore his kids when they came to visit? Are you freakin' kidding me? It's not ALL about you, Princess.
So flash forward a year and now the Bio Dad (aka Piece of Crap) doesn't see his kids. It's to hard on his new marriage. He and his wife fight every single time he has the kids or talks to the ex. Oh my lord. My solution? Kick the dumb beotch out of your house and parent your damn children!
Because my ex's 4th wife has nothing else to do, she also blogged this week about why MY son doesn't have a relationship with his Bio Dad. Awesome. Of course she doesn't KNOW my son. She doesn't KNOW anything he endured with his father for the 19 years before she came along. She doesn't KNOW anything about what I endured attempting to parent with a distant, uninvolved parental unit. She doesn't KNOW. But she sure has lots of opinions about it.
Now 3 of his 4 chiildren don't want to see him. 4th wife is totally defensive... can't possibly be me? They had problems before I came along. You know who's fault she thinks it is? US... the Bio Moms! We are at fault for why our children don't want to see their father.
Yep... figures she would say that. I wonder if she is at fault when her children don't want to see THEIR father? Oh, I'm sure not. That would never happen. And if it did, she sure as hell wouldn't blog about it.
I'll give you one single snippet of advice, step moms. If you think that it is a good idea to cuss at your step kids, using the F word to describe their MOTHERS, rule them through intimidation with your words (or god forbid your hands)... you will LOSE. The Bio Dad will lose. You wanna know why your step kids don't want to see their Bio Dads? Because they can't STAND dealing with the craptastic step moms. Talk about drama... all these kids want is to see their father in peace without some other woman criticizing them or their Bio Moms.
And one last thing... if you think you aren't "involved" with the kids seeing their Bio Dad, you are wrong. Your attitude towards their Mothers rubs directly off on the Bio Dad,which in turn makes it hard for them to have a relationship with their kids. You are DIRECTLY at fault for being a beotch.
My husband did it exactly right. We married when Bub was 3 1/2 and he immediately loved our child unconditionally. He had expectations of him, he treated him exactly as his own child (and always has) and never, ever, ever said a single, solitary word about Bub's Bio Dad. He pretended he didn't even exist. Nothing good, nothing bad. Just nothing. He stayed out of every single fight or argument I had with my ex. He did not participate in any of it. And he succeeded. Today, my son knows how much he is unconditionally loved and as far as he knows, my husband has no opinion of his Bio Dad. As it should be.