Tuesday, January 10, 2012

That's MY uterus!!

My boys and I have a fairly open dialog when it comes to certain topics.  Bubba was always a very matter of fact kid:  just tell me what I need to know and nothing more.  He wasn't really into the details.  Little guy is totally opposite:  he always wants to know step by step details down to the minutia.  It's exhausting.

When we returned to school after holiday break, I received the letter I've been dreading.  The Human Sexuality Curriculum is starting at little guy's school.  Oh just kill me now.

I remember my experience with Bubba and this event like it was yesterday.  It was his 4th grade year (1999) and Bubba brought home a note to inform me this was coming.  The letter gave us options ~ we could go view the video by ourselves (parents) first, we could view the video WITH our child first, or we could just let them view it in the classroom with their peers.  Being the overprotective momma bear that I am, I went to view the video first alone so I could prep Bubba on what he was going to see.  I didn't want him to get caught off guard not knowing something about his body before the other kids said something about it.

I went to the viewing.  Oh god.  It was so much worse than I thought it was going to be.  Did I see this when I was in school?  I sure don't remember it if I did! (Of course I was in the BOY video viewing... but nonetheless).

I figured they would point out parts of the body and talk abut puberty.  End of discussion.  Um... not exactly.  Sure they talk about those things.  But don't forget all the other stuff... like "don't pop a girl's bra - it's disrespectful".  Really?  We have to SAY that to these boys?  I would have MURDERED Bubba if he even thought that was an acceptable maneuver.  Lucky for me he had absolutely NO interest in girls in elementary school.  They were just stupid and annoying to him.  Thank god.

After the viewing, I came home promptly and sat Bubba down at the kitchen table.  I opened the dialog by spewing everything the video displayed, naming all the parts correctly and paying special attention to anything "icky".  I asked him if he had any questions, he said no.  Got it mom.  I told him he could always talk to me openly- I wanted him to feel completely comfortable in his knowledge on this topic.

The next week, he viewed the video at school.  I could tell the second he came home that night that something was wrong.  He seemed embarrassed, a feeling I HATE for my kids to feel!  I asked him what was wrong.

"Mom, you didn't tell me EVERYTHING I needed to know."
"Bubba, what do you mean honey?  I told you everything that I saw on the video.  What did I miss?"
"Mom, you forgot to tell me that I had a uterus!"

He is beet red now and humiliated.  I sit in shock for a few minutes.

"Bub, you don't have a uterus sweetie." 
"Mom, YES I DO!  And you forgot to tell me and I looked stupid when I didn't know that!"

I sat baffled.  I had no idea what he was talking about.

"Bubba, there is no way you have a uterus.  That is what mommy's have to have babies.  Boys do not have them."

"Mom, I DO have one.  They told us all about it.  It's where my pee comes out of my penis!"


Yep, he meant urethra.  

"Bubba, you mean your urethra.  Yes, son.  You have a urethra.  I am so sorry I didn't tell you that."

I quickly ran to my bedroom and shut the door, bursting into laughter.  Funniest moment ever.

Now it's little guy's turn.  I can hardly wait.  I know he is going to grill the hell out of me, hubs and everyone else he talks to.  He will want specific details on EVERYTHING.  From start to finish.  Oh lord, help me through this!


  1. OH God! Are you going to the viewing? If so, we need a few glasses of wine first...

  2. Yep, I'm going to the viewing. And yes, it's bad. If I can remember correctly, they even explain ejaculation. Wait, maybe not until 6th grade? Either way, it's AWFUL...