Thursday, January 05, 2012

Up in the Clouds

I love moments with my momma.  When you lose someone really close to you, those moments become the most treasured part of your memories.  Of course since she's my momma I have a zillion of them.

This morning as I poured my coffee and reached for the milk, I could hear her tell Bubba "don't forget to put clouds in my coffee!"  She was a big coffee drinker (or milk drinker with coffee in it, really) and Bubba loved to go refill her cup when it was empty when he was a kid.

She loved children.  She lived her entire life for others, which I can't say about to many people I know either past or present.  She ran a daycare in her home and worked I bet a total of 4 years for FREE.  A lot of single mom's with either no dads or deadbeats, if they came to pick up their kiddos on Friday and couldn't pay the bill she kissed them and told them to have a good weekend.  Unbelievable.  That would never happen anywhere else.

She was selfless.  Give you the shirt off her back kind of selfless.

A lot of people took advantage of my mom.  As a teen I would get so mad ~ so much so I would yell at her and say mean things like "why can't you stick up for yourself?  why would you let someone walk on you?"  I thought at the time she needed to be "modernized" - women had a lot of control and power in the world and I wanted her to see that just because she was raised in the 50's didn't mean she had to be a doormat.

Ah, what I didn't know then.  Young minds.

She lived a very intentional life.  No, I don't mean she choose to have a disabled daughter or to be divorced... but her everyday actions were filled with good intentions.  Sure, she made a lot of mistakes.  That's the beauty of being human.  But she did a lot of good things, too.

I wish my mom were here to see my family... most importantly, I wish she could have met my sassy daughter.  She would have LOVED her to the core.  Sometimes, in a lot of ways, I see my momma in my daughter.  Funny, sassy, opinionated.  A great mother.  I'm in awe all the time about what an amazing mother my daughter is to my grandson.  She certainly doesn't have a lack of animal instincts ~ she would fight to the death for that boy.  And not just his physical being - his emotional soul.  She wants him to truly be happy and puts him first every single day.  But the ease in which she protects him as if she were born to do so just amazes me.  And it's not just my grandson - she protects and loves my son more than I could have ever hoped and prayed.  She loves him to his core - flaws and all - and will fight to the death to protect him as well.

I'm a lucky woman.  I don't consider myself half of the momma that my mother was to me but I know that my children love me to the core.  I don't fight with my children.  I don't yell at my children.  I don't call them names, belittle or manipulate them.  I just love them - and they love me.

Off to put more clouds in my coffee.

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