Friday, January 13, 2012

Why YES, I do Love my Cousin...

Ah crap.  I hate those talk shows where you have a totally dysfunctional family airing all their dirty laundry in public.  "He slept with my sister's best friend" crap.  Eww.  So tacky and white trash.

I find myself in one of those familial situation once again... and somehow my ex's 4th wife is right in the middle of it.  Lovely.  I sent my application off to Springer this morning so I'm sure we'll get accepted.

See if you can follow along:

One of my siblings dated one of my best friends after we graduated high school.
They got pregnant.
They got engaged.
They broke engagement.
They had a baby (my niece).

I got pregnant.
I got married to my ex (ugh, shoot me).
We had a baby (my son).
We got divorced.

So far, easy to figure out.  Now the fun part.

My ex married 4th wife 3 years ago.
4th wife is now best friends with my prior bestie (see above.)
She has a son from one of her previous marriages (not sure how many she has...)
That would make my son and her son steps or something like that (unfortunately).

My previous bestie's daughter (my niece, remember?) is apparently dating 4th wife's son.

Hmmm.... seem incestuous to anyone else but me?  Wouldn't that in some universe actually make them cousins by some means?  Oh I know, no worries - they aren't blood.  That makes it completely normal.

I just discovered this news last week and have been pondering it ever since.  It's quite fascinating and I'm sure would make a great show.

So like in all good families with ex's and the crap that follows them, my niece will now no longer speak with me because she loves her new family better (so she told me quite clearly) and my ex is her favorite person on the planet.  It must be because of his stellar parental skills I'm guessing.  It will be awesome if they marry and my ex (her uncle) becomes her father in law.  She thought my family was bad... just wait until she fully experiences that one. 

All I can say is if she ever needs her family history information it may be difficult to get it if she cuts us all out.  Drawing lines and making declarative statements with a Scorpio is never a good idea.  We hold grudges longer than an Indian Summer and are not quick to forgive or forget when people crap on us or our family.

I guess the positive to this is that one by one I have almost successfully eliminated all traces of my ex and his poison.  See, if you are determined you can do anything!  I feel like I am living a true reenactment of the show Revenge!

As I advised in my Liar Liar post.... pathological liars and sociopaths have very deep roots and will work to destroy your family if you let them in.  No shocker it reached this level - my niece was unfortunately easy to penetrate.  The good news is 4th wife has officially run out of my peeps to try to infect.  My core group is as strong as an old oak and can't be infiltrated.  I guess she'll just move back to the other ex to harass.  

I wonder if she ever tries to stab at 3rd wife?  Probably not since she and my ex didn't have kids together.  She seems to only target parental relationships by manipulating the kids.

And back to my happy place, striking a Namaste pose....

As a footer to all of this - I officially do love my niece very much.  I'm very proud of her and her accomplishments and wish her the best of luck in all her future endeavours.  I'm hopeful she will live a successfully happy life!


  1. Oh Jen, you had me laughing till the tears started. I feel sorry for your other neice with her mom and all.
    So remember,when you are getting close to dialing Jerry Springer's number, you have all of us who love you. Guess you can say your sibling's first in laws? So glad we got to keep you!

  2. Mama Jean - my momma is smiling down every time you post something like this. She always loved ALL of the Harris family and would be so happy I still get to part of your lives! Thanks so much, I'm glad I got to keep you!